Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Rest in peace, my beloved green Nalgene bottle

We've been through a lot together, my green Nalgene bottle and I. I first found 'Gene five years ago, he was alone, hanging from a shelf at my college bookstore. I knew right away he was exactly what I was looking for.

We went through four years of college together. Every class, every lecture, every meeting, every sports match, every long night in the darkroom, he was with me.

We went camping. We went to the beach. We were together for almost every moment at Bonnaroo in 2005, then again in 2007.

He was with me in New Zealand. Always in my bag from Auckland to Coromandel to Blenheim to Queenstown to Kaikoura to Christchurch to Taupo and every single town, city, village, mountain, and beach in between.

All the while, every where we went, we collected stickers, badges of where we had gone, what we had done, what we had loved. The New Zealand flag, Relay for Life, Key West's One Human Family, Freshout record company, Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival, Kiss Me I'm Carbon Neutral.

He provided sustenance. He kept me hydrated during 100 degree days and 10 degree days. He kept me healthy. Or did he?

Turns out this constant companion was actually made of polycarbonate, which may leach Bisphenol A, an estrogen-like chemical into the water he held. All this time and he may have been adding little breast cancer-causing chemicals into my water.

Good thing I'm already way past puberty, because the amount of use 'Gene received surely would have launched me into early puberty. Also a good thing that I'm not a dude, because I probably would have grown breasts by now.

So sadly, today was Green Nalgene Bottle's last day of use. Tonight he officially enters retirement. And tomorrow begins my new life with Sigg. It cost $21. $21, are you crapping me?! I haven't yet decided if $21 is worth my health. That's like four beers, or a pair of sale rack shoes, or a really expensive bag of arugula.

Needless to say, It'll take a while for me to warm up to him. He's much steelier than 'Gene. He is made of aluminum, after all.

Goodbye, 'Gene. I know you may not at first enjoy your new life of leisure as a flower vase, rare stone container, or kitchen utensil holder, but you'll get used to it. I've heard my kitchen counter is very nice this time of year.

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