Monday, July 14, 2008

Caitlin is IRATE

And I will tell you why.

Once upon a time there were two friends named Bridget and Caitlin. And Bridget and Caitlin decided that they wanted to take a little trip to someplace exciting like San Francisco.

But because Bridget is cheap broke cheap because she's broke, and because she has a free roundtrip Southwest Airlines flight award burning a hole in her metaphorical pocket, there were only certain dates that Bridget and Caitlin had to work with. That's because you're not allowed to redeem your free flight when it would be most convenient for you. You have to fly on odd days, like Wednesdays.

Also, there was this annoying little thing called indentured slavery work that kept getting in Bridget's way, and not allowing her to do the things she wanted to do. Such as not work.

And because Caitlin is smart and has to return to law school before the summer has even ended, Caitlin also had limited dates to work with. Now let's do some math.

But Caitlin does not give up so easily. And when Caitlin decides to go to San Francisco, she goes, with or without her trusted travel companion Bridget. Because Caitlin is woman. Hear her roar.

So with Bridget's blessings of safe and happy travels, Caitlin booked her flight to San Fransisco. And because Caitlin is smart, she decided to buy insurance from her airline, just in case she needed to cancel or change her flight for any unforeseen reason.

And what do you know, as they often do, an unforeseen reason arrived. Surprise! It's the Columbia Bar Review! Because how many times must I say it, Caitlin is very, very smart. And because of said intelligence, Caitlin must now return to New York City an entire three weeks before she had originally planned. Which didn't work so well for her San Fransisco trip.

But Freddy says Relax because Caitlin bought insurance, remember? So switching her return date is no big deal.

"No big deal," said the anonymous airline who we'll just call USAirways. I mean USAirways. I mean ... "That'll be $303."

But Caitlin didn't understand. Didn't she already pay an additional fee for flight insurance on top of her ticket price which already included state tax and flying tax and luggage tax and breathing tax? Wasn't the purpose of insurance for cancelled or rescheduled flights?

"Yes," said the airline. "But it must be an emergency."

"Well," said Caitlin. "It will be an emergency if I'm not able to get home sooner."

But that didn't cut it. Because apparently Caitlin needed to provide the airline with documentation of emergency. I supposed this would mean a death certificate or a picture of her house burning down or a doctor's note stating that her head was about to combust as a result of spending a morning on the phone with airline representatives.

"First you charge me for me soda," said Caitlin. "Then you charge me for my bags. And now you charge me $303 to change the date of my return flight after I purchased flight insurance with the understanding that if I needed to change my flight I could because it was insured."

"Have a safe and happy day," said USAir.

The moral of the story is that it's a lot cheaper to not be so smart like Caitlin. Just kidding. Be smart, if you want. But maybe don't ever buy insurance from USAir thinking it will get you anything but a headache and a clump of your own hair.

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