I am totally watching porn right now

One of my friends was recently laid off from his job because THE ECONOMY IS BROKEN or something like that. And there has been a lot of moaning and crying and sacrificing of young children and eating of ramen noodles across the country, but my friend who we'll call Gill because that rhymes with Bill and oops, has decided that instead, he's flying the coop.

Which he did. And as I write this Gill is tramping around Australia, where's he just chillin' until Christmas or so because did you know when you get laid off companies pay you to not work for them? And according to my calculations, that is so much better than paying you to work for them and from now on I will arrive at work exactly 53 minutes late and will spend the next hour painting my toenails and then will spend the rest of the day watching porn.

And after about a week of drinking goon and slamming Tooheys and 71 emails from me insisting that he hop over to New Zealand, Gill is going to New Zealand aka my favorite place in the world aka I would chop off my left arm if I could go back there to spend another six months or so of carefree adventure of a lifetime living even if it was with one arm.

ATTENTION WORK: I AM TOTALLY WATCHING PORN RIGHT NOW

So when Gill told me he was going to New Zealand I wrote him an 8000 word instructional manual on exactly everywhere he should go and everything he should do and everything he should drink along the way and don't you just love it when people bother you like that?

And even though I'm pretty sure flying the coop and going to New Zealand is exactly the type of idea that Bossy would classify as a bad idea, I'm dying a little bit inside because I can't. So in the name of my great sacrifice, I'm gonna go ahead and mark this as my Daily Poverty Party suggestion of the day. Don't quit your jobs and go to New Zealand. You would be so much happier there would not be helping that little debt thing we've all got going on. Unless of course you've just been fired because PORN, then by all means GO!

On a slightly related side note, remember when B's sister went to New Zealand for the semester? Well, she came home yesterday and oh my gah I'm totally 67 years old because I've spent the entire week walking around talking about how quickly time flies and remember the good ol' days when I was in New Zealand and maybe I actually am 67 years old and I just don't realize it yet because OH MY GAH LIFE. And oh my gah. And gah.

P.S. B's sister landed in Boston at 6:30 a.m., was in her house by 7:30 a.m. and was at the hair salon for her scheduled appointment by 9:30 a.m.

P.P.S. That's only funny because I did the same exact thing when I got home.

P.P.P.S. Did you know scientists exploring in Indonesia discovered a small group of Pygmy Tarsiers, a species thought to be extinct since the 1920s? And that they bear a striking resemblance to those hideously adorable gremlins from the 1984 movie Gremlins?

P.P.P.P.S. I am now accepting donations of Pygmy Tarsiers. And I will name him Gizmo.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Welcome home, Lou.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I'm still watching porn.



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