Friday, January 23, 2009

UPDATED: If you don't hear from me by Monday, maybe you should just assume I've been arrested

This weekend, hundreds of recent and relatively recent college graduates will descend upon that little slice of paradise known as Bodymore, Murderland Baltimore, Maryland. My bags are packed and as soon I leave the office, I'll be on my way to, like, one of the best weekends of the year: my college's alumni Bull and Oyster Roast. The last time I was this excited for something I ended up waking up the next morning wearing nothing but a thin layer of bubble wrap and a wool hat under someone's kitchen table. That actually never happened to me but one time I did wake up curled under my desk with no pants after a night of heavy drinking. But this weekend, I wouldn't rule out the bubble wrap.

Also have you seen this video?

I saw it on Twitter yesterday, and even though Jenny blogged about it today too, I had totally planned on blogging this thing last night, and anyway there can never too much press for fisting, right?

ANYWAY, fisting?! So when I saw this video, I e-mailed it to basically everyone I know because, hello, fisting? FISTING?! Someone seriously needs to brush up on her urban dictionary before she's allowed to speak in front of a national audience again. So then last night when I saw my mom she was all what's fisting? and I was all oh holy hell before I launched into a full fisting explanation and now I'm a little paranoid that my mom thinks I let B shove his entire hand up my hoo-ha. And now, when I get home tonight, B is gonna be all WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR VAGINA ON THE INTERNET?

Also, you know how urban dictionary likes to use their words in a sample sentence? Well this is one of the sentences for fisting:

"You could do with a severe fisting."

WHAT THE FECK? And when I read that, I totally said it out loud in a British accent like how the knights used to be all you could do with a severe lashing, farm boy to the peasants and the lady who sits at the desk next to me is like what did you just say? and I'm all you heard me and then I just stared at her for a while. But the moral of the story is, if someone says that to you, you should not trust that person and never ever take your pants off in front of them.

UPDATE: @TLA_Kate thinks she's the first person who showed me that video, but she's not. She's just drunk.


badgermama said...

You might have even more to explain to your mom. It might have been Michelle making her hand like a duck!

Yes, I'm wrong and bad!

Anonymous said...

I am alternately laughing and scared as a coworker

Kate :) said...

I have two things to say:

1) Both Bulls and Oysters will be roasted? Sounds divine.

2) (Note: Kindly read this aloud, with a British accent) Did you happen to get that Fist link from me? If so, where's the love, @BHands!! WHERE WHERE WHERE????


Amanda said...

Um, this post is awesome.

I hope you have a great weekend, but not so great so that you don't remember it and can't blog about it! : )

rory said...

Bulls and Oysters in Baltimore? Sounds HUGE, sounds replete, especially compared to Miss Carol and me painting the living room this weekend.
We gotta get out more.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Under your desk with no pants. This is why I love you.

Hilary said...

The 'fisting' clip seriously made my weekend. Hilarious. Hope the reunion was a blast!

Kater said...

i just snarf laughed diet coke over this. i hope you are happy

3continentfamily said...

Oh dear,that woman had no clue what she said, did she?


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