Friday, November 20, 2009

This post will absolutely get me hate mail

Apparently, last week a woman who lives on my block was followed home, pushed into her house, and sexually assaulted by an unknown assailant. I say apparently because I have been scanning the headlines for days and have seen nothing about it. I know of the rumor because the day after the apparent assault, one of the local news stations' vans was parked in front of my house. And despite what many of you might have predicted, I stayed as far away from this crew as possible. Momma don't wanna be one of those people.

Anyway, a neighbor later told me that the reporter was standing on the wet sidewalk interviewing residents because although this rape had occurred, the local political bigwigs had somehow managed to squelch the news, so as not to draw attention to the "black eye" of their town.

In other words, my side of the tracks are the wrong side. We be livin' in da hood, ya'll. Instead, they said they had sent out newsletters to everyone living on our street informing us of the news and reminding us to lock our doors and watch our backs and never climb in the back of the van to see the weird looking man's puppies. Only no one got the letter.

I have no idea if this story is actually true, but I find it difficult to believe that if it is, it would successfully be kept from any other neighbors or media sources. In today's world, it's pretty much impossible to let out a good fart without half the city Tweeting about it two minutes later.

But I have been particularly more cautious when walking alone at night. I've changed my pre-dawn running route to streets busy with early morning commuters. I make eye contact with everyone I pass. I always check my back. And I never leave home without my homemade toothbrush shiv.

So last night, as I was walking the dog and talking on the phone with B (who was still at work) -- and this is the part where Mojo gets mad because damnit Bridget, Loyola Campus Security would NOT approve you KNOW you're not supposed to talk on your cell phone when walking alone at night DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING IN COLLEGE?-- when I noticed a man had been walking behind me for the past few blocks.

Granted, I was walking in the direction of a major street. People probably walk on this street in this direction hundreds of times every day. But it was dark and I was alone and although my dog is really good at being an asshole, I don't know how good he'd be at protecting me from a big scary man beast.

So I mentioned it to B.

Me: Ack, I think some dude is following me. What if it's the Ardmore rapist?

B: Stop it, not funny. And it's not the Ardmore rapist.

Me: If it is, I'm just going to yell.

B: Yeah, just yell.


B: Oh my god, you did NOT just say that to him. What is WRONG with you?

Me: It's called self defense, B. I took a class in high school. He's lucky I didn't knee him in the balls cause my tenth grade history teacher totally taught me how to do that in case I ever need to. Holla, Mr. Smith. And no, I don't think he heard me anyway, but it would be pretty funny if he did. What would you do if you were walking down the street, when suddenly some chick turned around and started screaming GET AWAY FROM ME, RAPIST?

B: You have some serious prob- actually, yeah, that would be pretty funny. I'd probably be all oh my god, EW I would never rape you. And then she'd get insulted and probably think I was calling her fat or something because girls are crazy, and then I'd have to be all not that I don't find you attractive. It's just that I don't want to have sex with you.

Me: And then she'd DEFINITELY think you were calling her fat and you'd have to be all No, no I swear you're a very pretty girl, I'm just a gentleman.

B: And gentlemen don't show their peepees to strangers.

Me: That would make a pretty good Curb Your Enthusiasm episode ... My god we are so fucked up. I would blog about this, but then everyone would know what assholes we are.


COMMENT OF THE DAY: Ardmore is the quaintest ghetto I've ever lived in. ~ Tatiana


iconjohn said...

And to think we use to say Narberth was the armpit of Lower Merion.

sheila said...

autozone sells pepper spray. i have one just in case the ardmore rapist decides to get REAL ghetto and head over to upper darby. :-)

tatiana said...

Ardmore is the quaintest ghetto I've ever lived in. Two years in Haverford College Apartments, or the best public housing college room and board can buy.

That being said, the walk to McGillicutty's wasn't one I never wanted to do alone.

Jordan said...

i lived in HCA for a summer- we painted the walls alternating teal, canary yellow and maroon. we all spent the summer seasick as all get out, but it was an improvement.

tatiana said...

Er, I mean "wasn't one I EVER wanted to do alone." Haverford taught me up real good.

@Jordan: nice palette. If the sea sickness didn't get you, then the lack of air conditioning would have.

@Bridget: ZOMG, I'm comment of the day! I pwned all you other suckas! Look at me, with my exclamation marks and web speak!

Jordan said...

I've been reading your blog forever and have been too bashful to comment until now but I thought I'd mention that maybe the story wasn't "sensational" enough for the news to cover it.

Or it could be that the woman is afraid to press charges afterall and withdrew her claim, which a lot of rape victims do. They go to the police and then after they go through the rape kit and all that they start thinking that getting justice is hopeless, so they decide not to file charges. No arrest is made, and then there's nothing for the news to report. Plus a lot of times rapists get off because a jury did not find them guilty or they get out on bail or once they get out of jail they track down the person who reported them and fuck them up but good. Unfortunately.

Also a lot of times people get raped and report it and the news comes and asks some questions, gets all ready to write up a report, and then something more interesting happens and they forget about the rape altogether.

And also men don't rape women because they think they're pretty. Rape is a power thing.

Ugh of course my first comment would be a serious one about rape wouldn't it? And I sound like I have a stick up my ass. I'm defensive about it though...

To show that I do have a sense of humor though I want to say that I laughed my ass off at the post about B getting his hands covered in shit and Rooney ripping up the comforter.

Avitable said...

Okay, just to help you save face, I'll tell a worse one.

If you do get followed by the Ardmore Rapist, there's one thing you can do to prevent rape.




Talia said...

That post reminded me of the "break in" in Gallagher senior year. Have you blogged about that one? I told that story to Austin's family and they were on the floor laughing. It has such great build-up. And it's ridiculous.

Don't get raped.

Bridget said...

Talia, no I haven't, but I think you're right. It's absolutely necessary.

Michael said...

That is such an awesome conversation. I wish I could write as good as you live.

Louise | said...

Ahaha~ I can't believe you shouted that! But I totally agree to that conversation you and B had. Why do women instantly think that they're not attractive because they're fat (or so they think)? :D
The Mr. Smith-holla part is hilarious.


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