Dr: Where did you learn that word?
Me: I could know that word.
Dr: Who have you been talking to?
Me: People ... who say ... nurses ... who are smart ... and know words.
Dr: I'm not overly concerned about those sections.
Me: Okay but when will it close? When will it be gone? I just ordered my first one-piece bathing suit because I've pretty much given up hope that it'll be healed in another month and I'm going on vacation.
Dr: That's good, because it won't be.
Me: Okay, well can I still go in the ocean? And the pool?
Dr: That'll be fine.
Me: And the sun?
Dr: Not the sun. Keep it covered at all times. And when it finally does close, you'll need to keep it out of the sun for two years.
Me: TWO YEARS?
Dr: Two years.
Me: So in the summer when I'm at the beach, which is where I am every weekend ...
Dr: Your stomach will be covered.
Me: But when I'm in a bikini ...
Dr: With your stomach covered.
Me: But when I'm working on my tan ...
Dr: Which you won't be.
Me: YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE.
Dr: On the plus side, you'll be able to run by then.
Me: So what is the exact time I can start running again?
Dr: By the end of April you can start easing into it.
Me: So the Boston Marathon is totally out then?
Dr: This appointment is over.