Me: So I was starving on my drive home today and I was sitting at a red light and just distractedly opened the little console next to my driver's seat and it was FILLED with fruit snacks! I have no idea how they got there!
B: I do. I put them there because you were throwing them all over the car in a fit of rage that I would not stop to get your food on the drive back from Reach the Beach. Then you raged further because they would, and I quote, "melt all over the goddamn place" in there.
Me: Oh really? I thought it was a miracle. Like, what are the chances you are thinking about how hungry you are and you open up your side console and it's magically filled to the brim with your favorite fruit snacks? That's like David Blaine shit.
B: No, that's Bridget Who Ran Lots of Miles and Didn't Eat Enough Food and Drank Too Much Beer and Then Cried, Fell Asleep, and Blacked it all Out shit.
Me: Obviously this is your fault then since you wouldn't stop for food in the first place.
B: You're welcome.
I still say it's a goddamn miracle.