Also, apparently I’m not … how shall we say it? … The best version of myself in the winter. Boyfriend has made it quite clear that there are two very distinct Bridgets alive in the world today: Summer Bridget and Winter Bridget. Summer Bridget is as happy as a lark and down for anything. She is agreeable and non-judgmental. She enjoys long walks on the beach and cooking delicious meals and always puts others first. Winter Bridget is going to chop your dick off and feed it to the neighbor’s greyhound. She is testy and tired and doesn’t give a shit what you think because you just don’t understand and omg UGH. You adapted to the darkness but Winter Bridget was born in it.
It seems like every plan that was ever made this winter was disrupted by 50 mph winds cold enough to suck your soul out of your eyeballs or enough snow dumped on the city to make you think you’re in Alaska, only colder. Valentine’s Day: cancelled. Celebratory dinners: cancelled. Life as we know it: cancelled.
Perhaps the worst part of all this winter was that I couldn’t even threaten to pick up and move south like I do every year because every stinkin’ state went through the same thing. Philly got dumped on, D.C. was buried, Atlanta didn’t understand what the hell was going on, and even Florida was freezing for a little while. Florida! What the hell is happening in the world?!
So I’ve been making an effort over the past few months to tuck Winter Bridget back in the dark little hole from whence she came and act like a real human. I joined a gym so I could take some of my running inside to help me feel less suicidal and prevent me from breaking my neck on the ice. I go to yoga to work out the kinks. I try to do adult things like occasionally go to the grocery store and make my bed.
And then the meanest thing of all happened. And I’m not at all surprised because it happens every March in New England, but that doesn’t mean it stings any less. Last week, for one day the temperatures soared into the mid-50s. Do you know what it’s like to have been living in the teens and then overnight have the temperature skyrocket to spring? Yes, I assume you do because most of you reading this are
And then naturally it fell 40 degrees overnight and this week is once again cold, dark, and threatening snow. I’m gonna stab … someone … something … I don’t know. But that’s all behind us now, you guys. Or almost anyway. It’s still cold as hell in Boston but this is the last day of winter. THIS IS THE LAST DAY OF WINTER. Let’s get all reverse GOT up in here because summer is coming. SUMMER IS COMING.
We just need to get through the weather cock tease that is a New England spring and we shall shed our layers and life shall be good.
Side note: Training for a marathon is HARD. Training for a marathon through an entire New England winter is HARDER. Training for a marathon through an entire New England winter while trying to raise $5,000 is the HARDEST. But doing it all for the program that saved so many lives after last year's Boston Marathon bombings sure does make it worth it. Will you help me get to 100% of my goal?
Side note #2: I'm sorry I used the work cock, mom.
Side note #3: SUMMER IS COMING.