Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I'll take the vanilla boobie milk with rainbow jimmies on a cone please

Ice cream by PETA:

2 large eggs
1/2 cup sugar
pinch salt
1 1/2 cups breast milk
1 cup light cream
2 teaspoons vanilla

Step 1: Ummmm what?
Step 2: Breast milk? As in humans breast milk? As in milk from women's boobies?
Step 3: Does it come in cookie dough flavor? Can this be confirmed?

So you know how PETA is, like, crazy? Don't get me wrong, I think they usually have good intentions and I support a lot of their causes. Don't hold dog fights in that ring you installed in your backyard, don't shoot bee bees at your cat, don't chain baby cows inside crates to make veal, and don't feed your cow other dead cows, you crazy fecks.

But sometimes they drive over the line into crackpot territory when they do things like demand the world go vegan and walk around cities arse neked and swear that tofurkey is just a delicious as the real thing but you and I both know that's just preposterous.

And now they're coming after our ice cream.

So let's recap for all you lazies who didn't bother to click the link. PETA wrote a letter to Ben & Jerry's this week, urging them to use human breast milk instead of cow's milk in their ice cream recipes because it's better for the baby cows and let's face it, breast is best, right, ma?

I don't even know what to say about this. Breast milk. At one point we all loved it. It has to be pretty tasty. What if breast milk is this super food that when mixed in to our favorite ice cream recipes will be irresistible and we'll replace all of our meals with ice cream and we'll all be super healthy except for the fact that we're all morbidly obese because isn't breast milk really good for you anyway and because of this improved health we'll evolve into this sort of super human species with powers like the people in Heroes and oh my gah I hope I get the power that let's me travel through space and time because that would be awesome and if I don't get that then I guess the invisibility power would be pretty cool too.

Or it's just gross. And weird. And now I feel a little uncomfortable.
P.S. Considering how many people Google dumped on Yellaphant at the Let's talk about butt sweat, baby post after searching for some variation of the term "butt sweat," which, for a while, was a surprisingly high number, let me tell you, I bet I'm going to be seeing a lot of Google searches from 13-year-old boys browsing the internet for boobies. I'll keep you posted.

P.P.S. I bet it's not just 13 year-old boys searching for boobies, I bet it will also be a lot of 13-year-old girls with a lot of new questions about these things that they suddenly have to deal with at awkward times like gym class.

P.P.P.S. I think the fact that I say boobies so often is what will keep these Google searchers' ages young, instead of saying something more mature like breasts, or even boobs. But boobies just makes me giggle. And maybe since I'm saying boobies and I'm 23, there will be a lot of other "young adults" saying it too. In that case, you are so busted, pervs.

P.P.P.P.S. I totally borrowed this whole P.S. concept from Jenny because she makes me laugh so hard sometimes I snarf.

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2 comments:

Brent Weichsel said...

Well that would definitely make younger boys eat more ice cream if by some way they can get vestigially close to boobies.

Because the quest of boobies makes young boys world go round.

It doesn't change that much when younger boys get older.

I should know.

p.s. Boobies

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Once you've gone PPPPS you never go back, baby.

PPPPPS. Ta-Ta-Tangerine.

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