Weekend recap: A Festivus for the rest of us

This weekend was a phat weekend. A very phat weekend. A weekend of absolute and utter gluttony in every sense of the word. A weekend that might cause any person interested in their own health and phitness to cringe in disgust because what is wrong with you people and oh my gah thinking about it kind of makes me want to puke but I can't stop thinking about it because it was so supremely awesome.

And right now you're all conphused again because I'm pulling out the fat/phat bomb, but I assure you, when I saw phat, I mean elephantine. I mean gargantuan. I mean the lard that sits in the back of the hospital alley after the week's liposuctions gross.

Friday night B and I celebrated our anniversary at Buddakan by eating everything on the menu our weight in phood the best meal of our lives.

Then there was Saturday. And oh, Saturday. Saturday started with me trampsing around in the rain all morning, knocking on doors in the Philadelphia suburbs and threatening physical violence to anyone not planning on voting for Obama spreading the good news of Obama/Biden.

My mom picked me up later that afternoon to visit my grandparents because hello, I've got some new bling to show off, hope you brought your sunglasses.

And then I returned to an apartment philled with all of my closest phriends and OH MY GAH SURPRISE IT'S AN APARTMENT PHILLED WITH ALL OF MY CLOSEST PHRIENDS. And then I peed my pants. And I was so shocked that I almost peed my pants.

Clearly, this is where the gluttony part comes in. And clearly, I'm talking about the amount of booze that was consumed in my apartment. And then out of my apartment. And then in my apartment again. And the dancing and laughing and yelling and squeeling and you people are really animals.

This was a party of epic proportions. A party of epic proportions that deserves its own post with photos and story telling and blah blah blah. So that's what you'll get. Tomorrow.

Because right now there one very big thing on my mind. Phillies. And in particular, where I am going to watching them. And also I really hope my body can handle just one more night before it collapses into a flaming heap on the floor and the entire building is engulfed in flames because there is so much alcohol in my system that everything has combusted and I should really make sure there are batteries in my smoke detectors because tonight could be the night they clinch the World Series.

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