Friday, December 5, 2008

Apparently I don't have enough bags to be a bag lady so it's time to go shopping

Yesterday, while everyone was pretty much agreeing that yes I am the crazy bag lady and also maybe I should cut back on the gin, Yellaphant's new friend Phil assured me that actually, no, I wasn't, because I don't have any bags and then he got all why don't you do something useful for a change like tell me what to buy people for Christmas? And I thought this was a great idea because I love telling people what to do.

You want it? You got it. Oh, baby, you got it. Without further ado, I hereby present to you the Yellaphant Recommends Christmas List.

Why: Oh my gaaah. Oh my gaah. Ohmygahohmygah. And also blah blah blah. And is anyone not talking about these right now?

Why: Because it talks to you with a British accent and haven't you always wanted a man with a British accent giving you commands in your car? It's the perfect gift for your dad, because I hear he loves that type of stuff.

Why: a) You're a freak.
b) You're a geek.
c) You're awesome.

Why: Word on the street is there's a movie in the makes of one of the funniest shows ever created. It's premature death only strengthened its cult-ish band of followers, and the series will be selling like hotcakes when it's selling out in a theater near you.

Why: Because poop is funny. Always Sunny is laugh out loud even when you're by yourself funny. Anyone who loves to laugh would love this gift.

Why: Because it's the best for taking pictures of your drunk friends being asshats.

Why: It's a chick magnet. Cause chicks dig dudes who dig photography. I also actually love this camera. Canon's line of EOS Digital SLR cameras never disappoint. With amazing image quality and outstanding performance, they're ideal for everyone, from photography beginners to professionals.

Why: Because now you can get your daily serving of fruits and your daily serving of alcohol at the same time. It's perfect for every health nut or alcoholic on your list.

Why: Because the more stylish places you have to store your wine, the more wine you can have, and the more wine you can have, the more wine you can drink, and are you sensing a theme here?

I'll have you know by the time I'm done my Christmas shopping , I will totally have enough bags to be the crazy bag lady and I'm currently conducting interviews for the position of Crazy Bag Lady's Pimp and really, I have no standards and very few morals.

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Caitlin said...

that's the camera i got for my bday! also, i think it's possible that you watch too much television (dvd's still count, bridget).

Phil said...

Wow, that was quick. This blog is awesome because I can tell it what to write and it just writes itself! Thanks for the list, that wine rack is a great idea...for other people to buy for me. Who designed the Yellaphant logo and when can I get it on a hoodie?

Avitable said...

At first, my adblocker was blocking all of your images, so I thought you had really gone off the deep end. All I saw were your "Why?" statements with no actual items!

B's sister said...

I demand a hoodie.

Dan Walker said...

Poop IS funny.

Jen A. Miller said...

"I will smack your face off your face."

Deidre said...

gawd I love Freaks and Geeks. I mean, seriously. I am about John Daley's age and have been smitten with him every since he danced with his Parisian Night Suit.


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