Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Brooklyn be trippin', yo

It really doesn't ever feel like Christmas until you find yourself drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon beneath a Christmas tree covered in silly string next to people who are pouring beer on the hardwood floors so we can ice skate in the house and there's a bag of mashed potatoes on fire in the microwave and someone's making out in the bathroom. You know what I mean?

Many of the people who were sleeping on our floor after the last party live in New York City, and a few of those people decided to throw a very Brooklyn Christmas party this weekend. And I'm pretty sure of all the possible ways to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, spraying silly string into each other's faces and chugging cans of PBR is definitely up there on the list of Jesus Approved Methods of Celebration because falling asleep on a sticky floor covered in a very likely toxic polymer-based resin and beer is better than falling asleep in the middle of midnight mass which is totally not my fault by the way because how do you expect me to keep my eyes open after drinking wine for the past nine hours and arguing about things like Barack Obama's middle name and the gays and your mom?

Also, in case you were wondering how much silly string we're talking about here, let's do some Yellaphant math. If each can of silly string is advertised to contain over 400 feet of toxic polymer string, and approximately 12 cans were emptied onto the floor, walls, ceiling, and valuable electronics, then
And when we all woke up the next morning we were a bit like holy shit the 80s totally threw up in this apartment last night. It was pretty awesome. And I say that purely because I'm not the one who spent the rest of the day peeling it off the walls and three days later I'm confident there's still silly string caked into crevices and stuck to the floor. And you're probably high just thinking about all the toxins released into that relatively small space that night in which case you're probably thinking you'd really like some chicken nuggets right now in which case while you're up, I'll take mine with bbq sauce. And judging by the actions of many party members, maybe silly string isn't called silly because it's a can that shoots goo at you, but because it gets everyone in the room high before you can even say hey this stuff smells kinda weird because now that I think about it, there was some pretty strange dancing going on and I'm pretty sure people were shooting lasers from their fingertips. Also while looking to see whether or not silly string actually is toxic, I learned that in 2004, the L.A. mayor James Hahn made it illegal to use, possess, or distribute silly string anywhere in Hollywood on Halloween which is totally whack because I thought Brad Pitt was the mayor of Hollywood.

But I had so much fun on Saturday I decided the best thing about Christmas isn't the presents or the cookies or the songs, but being drunk with the ones you love the most. And dancing in the living room. And shooting lasers from your fingertips. And maybe drunk dialing your friends at 4:30 in the morning. Brooklyn be trippin', yo.

1 comment:

Deidre said...

I've never used silly string - but i near upchucked just hearing about sleeping on a beer & silly string encrusted floor...that is all kinds of nasty, dawg. :-)


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