Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I hope teeth grinding is not a symptom of dementia

I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep recently and I've also been seeing a lot of commercials for WebMD so today I thought it would be a good idea to type teeth grinding into the WebMD search box to see if maybe I actually had yellow fever or something, which I don't, but perhaps I'm being bullied at school? And apparently I'm stressed or something. And that might be because recently I've been completely neurotic but at least I'm not chewing on razor blades yet.

All of my recent neurotic behavior has sprung from my constant worrying about the future and in particular a future that might not include living in Philadelphia and a quick drive from my parents' house and let's not get into it now because you're making me all panicky and did I mention I've also been biting my nails recently and according to WebMD nail biting is also a result of stress and oh really? I'm clearly not asking challenging enough questions so I typed in yellow fever and apparently jaundice is good for babies and I thought we left that shit on the Oregon trail and this site is totally whack.

Now I understand why WebMD is the playground for America's hypochondriacs and I can totally see why people get addicted to WebMD the same way they get addicted to IKEA. It's like you only plan on picking up one lamp shade and suddenly you black out and when you come to you're loading your car with a new bookshelf, eight wicker baskets, two lamps, and a year's supply of votive candles. And on WebMD all you want to do is figure out how to stop grinding your teeth and then you keep finding symptoms and before you know it you think you have the plague.

Good thing I'm not really one for hypochondria except when I convince myself I have skin cancer a few times a year. Cheap home furnishings is a completely different matter though, which is why I'm not allowed to go to IKEA unsupervised.

9 comments:

Tammy K said...

Oh thank you Bossy for leading me here. You've got another faithful! I've already bookmarked you.

Amanda said...

I am a major hypochondriac, and as such, I do NOT allow myself on WebMD. It's no good for the likes of me.

Bridget said...

Ooh my college roommate (and best friend) was a total hypo and was on WebMD literally every day I kid you not. We'd come home from the bars at night and would be making drunk kid food in the kitchen and we'd find her checking the website at 4 am just to make sure her cold wasn't actually polio. She would sneak it. Sneaky, sneaky hypo.

Jessica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica said...

This is the second reference to Oregon Trail that I have seen in the past couple of months. Veeery strange. http://20-nothings.blogspot.com/2008/10/would-you-like-to-ford-river.html

Kerry said...

Skin cancer and dementia run in the family (don't look at me), not sure about the jaundice but I don't recall seeing anyone yellow. Just do what we all do and drink some more.

Jen A. Miller said...

WebMD will lead you to believe that YOU WILL DIE no matter what. It's the opposite of the high school nurse who would tell you to put ice on anything. I swear, you could come into the nurses' office holding your own severed leg and she'd hand you an ice bag.

tinsenpup said...

I grind my teeth! We also have one of those Ikea egg chairs; a bendable bear chair; a storage slide; a Klippan sofa; a couple of Mammut stools; a blue and white rug; a giant plush slater; some pseudo art...and seriously, that's just the beginning... I'm sitting on an Ikea wooden folding chair at an Ikea table as I type this. My daughter is sleeping peacefully in her extendable Ikea toddler bed...Oh and lamps. we have some Ikea lamps! I think I might be stressed.

Moira said...

As a recovering hypochondriac, I sympathize with your WebMD misadventures. I still open my throat in the mirror to make sure I have enough room to breathe and make sure every time I find a little bump on my skin that it is not a full body rash. Is this normal? haha love you Bridget.

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