This is my second post of the day but my dog is suicidal or he wants to cut me

The other day I was taking a shower and that's where I do most of my paranoid thinking and I suddenly realized it's way too quiet which can only mean that the Roon is up to no good. So when I get out I find him lying on his bed chewing on B's new box of razors. And he wasn't just chewing on the box. He had managed to open the whole thing and was going through each razor and chewing the blade off. WTF kind of dog chews on razor blades? So I panic and fish a blade out of his mouth and pick up all these pieces of broken razor and put him in some pretty impressive wrestling headlock so I can pull out his tongue and examine it and count four times to make sure I have all the blades and that he didn't swallow one or worse was saving one inside his cheek to slice me up with later because if you saw the look on his face when I took away the razor blades, it was totally bitch I will cut you. Tweet