Wednesday, February 25, 2009

UPDATED: The ultimate test of my lack of self control may result in alcoholism or death. But not my death. Probably B's

I come from a Catholic family. I grew up with all the Catholic traditions. I went to Catholic grade school, high school, and college. I know what Lent is all about. Sacrifice. But when it comes to the Catholics, what isn't about sacrifice?

Back when I actually considered myself a Catholic, I never once successfully gave up anything for Lent. When I was younger I would throw around ideas like giving up candy or soda, but I'd abandon those after a day or two, if I even ever tried at all, because seriously? Jesus gives a shit if I drink this soda right now? I don't think so.

And all the teachers and nuns would be all Jesus sacrificed HIS LIFE for you and I was all woah woah WOAH I did not ask that dude to get up there and also what the freck does that have to do with this cookie I'm about to put in my mouth?

Over the years, my friends tried (with varying degrees of failure) to give up things like cursing, eating after the bars, and sex. Sex? FAIL.

When I was a senior in college one of my roommates convinced me to try giving up sugar completely for Lent. COMPLETELY. No sugar in our tea or cereal. No cookies, cakes, or candy or any kind. No soda. No nothing. My roommate wasn't Catholic, and at that point, neither was I, but we were up for a challenge.

I made it until about four days before Easter and then I broke because I just stopped caring. I stuffed a cookie in my mouth AND IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Well this year I'm doing it again. B and I were discussing what we could give up yesterday, and he decided to give up cursing and I was all psh that fucking sucks for you, dude. Instead I'm going to try to give up sugar again.

Since yesterday was my last day of sugar, I went ahead and ate myself into a coma indulged. And then I had some real freaky dreams last night involving one small squid, a number of ferrets, and a coworker. And now all my coworkers that are reading this are like fuck I hope it wasn't me. Then today I woke up all jittery and apparently eating fist fulls of raw sugar before bed is a bad idea.

This will be a very long 40 days and I don't think B is mentally prepared to deal with the effects of a sugarless fiance because it could get nastier than it already is nasty.

I've been without sugar for seven hours now I can't even remember why I'm doing this.

There are three boxes of Thin Mints in my kitchen right now.

This is awful.

I better lose like 15 pounds because of this.

This will inevitably lead to alcoholism.

UPDATE (11:54): I am not using Splenda, Moira. CHEMICALS.

UPDATE (11:59): Unrefined sugars in fruits and vegetables DO NOT COUNT as sugar, Caitlin. You asshole.


MOJO said...

i said it then and i will say it again now. you are crazy. putting stupid fake chemicals like splenda and all that jazz in your body in place of the sugar is not healthy. stupiheaaa

but i still love you.

Bridget said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tuli said...

I gave up fried foods for Lent because oh my holy hell I love me some fried foods. (I'm not even Catholic! Or former Catholic! Or any religion that requires a 40 day sacrifice.)

Sugar? You've got balls of steel, woman. Balls. Of. Steel.

Cecil said...

I gave up giving up something for Lent. I win!

Scottsdale Girl said...

When I put my liver up on blocks I immediately crave anything Chocolate or Sugar or Lemon or ChocoLemonSugar- ey.

So yeah, survey says? Buy lots of wine.

rory said...

Good luck. I too have never been able to give up anything successfully. Self-indulgence appears to be one of my virtues.

nutmeg said...

Does this mean you actually have a black smudge on your forehead today?
a few points:

If you loose fifteen pounds you will not be visible from the side.

There is a shit load of sugar in alcohol.

I'd bet my last communion collection dollar that there's sugar in the Jesus wafers!

I am so worried for your next 40 days. I actually pray to sugar.

From one Catholic to another...

Kater said...

I actually do hope I was the coworker in your dream. Oh, and shotgun your dessert at dinner tonight.

I'm with B and attempting to not talk like a complete and utter sailor for 40 days, which is already proving to be pretty difficult. wamp wamp.

Bridget said...

loophole: find church bake sales. jesus would totally allow that.

lori said...

Question: Are you one of those lame lent sacrificers who sacrifice Mon-Sat and then totally blow it on Sundays bc Sundays are holy days and mini-celebrations of Easter blahblahblah? If not, then lent actually last 46 days! ... i know!

Kelly said...

I am not giving up sex.

I barely eat chocolate, so that's not a prob.

I thought about cheese, and that would kill me, as would coffee. So, it's dessert.

No effing dessert for me. And I'd better feel closer to God as a result of it. I want to hear a choir of sweet angels in my ear when I say 'no thanks' to cheesecake.

Jason Nark said...

The remnants of my catholic faith have propelled me into giving up soda. Still on sugar.

Kelly said...

I took back my no dessert and am now giving up gossip websites.

This will be infinitely harder. Ah, the feeling of self-flagellation!

b's mom said...

there is a large amount of sugar in just about any alcoholic beverage you might want to drink.

lots of luck to you


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