Thursday, April 16, 2009

Conservatives are surprisingly liberal about naughty bedroom behavior ALTERNATE TITLE: B's mom should totally not read this post

I was totally going to let this one pass without comment. But it's just too hard. Because they just make it too easy. I really did try. I sat on it for a full day. I kept my mouth shut but now it's all bubbling over and if I don't say something bad words are going to start oozing out of my ears. But I think at this point we all know self control just really isn't my thing. It doesn't match my shoes.

CONSERVATIVES LOVE TEABAGGING. Oooooh my gah I feel so much better.

Yesterday, while most of us just tried to stay out of the rain, the nation's conservatives spent their Tax Day teabagging America. Excuse me? Frankly, I'm offended. And I'd be pretty pissed my my mommom was walking down the street and she was confronted with that dude waving that big sign around that said "You've been TEABAGGED." I'd totally have to hire a bum to teabag him back. In the name of honor.

Aren't these people supposed to conservative? Because I'm no stickler, but you can bet if I got an invitation to a teabagging party, I would ABSOLUTELY NOT GO TO THAT PARTY. Not even if there was free booze. Probably. Because you know what I DON'T want in my face? Conservatives.

This unfortunate naming incident occurs sadly close to Fox News' infamous fisting comment and I'm really beginning to think that the Republicans should start hiring 17-year-old boys to proof read all of their speeches and proposed event plans. Or at the very least, spend a little bit more time on Urban Dictionary each day. Because, really, I'm pretty sure my little brother would have been a good advisor in this case. You can bet he never would have named a protest after anything that had to do with male ballsacks. On second thought, he absolutely would have, but if you were choosing protest names for a bunch of people who have no idea what teabagging is, could you really ever control yourself? I think no.

Also, I'm beginning to think that maybe this is just some awesome grand plan by Republicans to get CNN to say dirty words. And if that's the case, I would LOVE to meet the mastermind behind this because I've got some pretty great ideas of my own.

And this time, you can bet I won't be bringing this faux pas to my mom's attention because I totally learned my lesson last time after she made me explain what fisting was. And THAT was a car ride I'd like to never have to revist again, thank you. Or, if she does ask, I'm totally just going to send her one of Urban Dictionary's sample sentences.

Male Stripper 1: You see that old woman?
Male Stripper 2: Yeah.
MS 1: I was just teabagging her.
MS 2: That's my mom.
MS 1: Oh... *uncomfortable silence*


Also, if this wasn't already obvious, no one's hotter than a New England gangsta.

7 comments:

ScrambledJill said...

I'm crackin' up at my desk. Great post, thanks for breaking up the day.

Paul said...

The thing I love is that they somehow think those not participating LIKE taxes!

I don't - but I also don't liek working on Fridays.

I don't trust the private sector to take care of issues like health care, self regulation...not screwing us all.

The great thing about the American government is we have a way to regulate it - we vote

B's sister said...

How do you meat someone? :P

Deidre said...

I saw this teabaggin' thing on Thebloggess seriously, don't conservatives watch sex and the city?

b's mom said...

i know what teabagging is, but what does it mean to "meat someone"?

oops, great minds think alike, just saw b's sister's comment

Bridget said...

Oh, I think you KNOW what it means.

Jess said...

There is a bar in Pittsburgh named Teabags. I always that that was a terrible name for a bar.

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