Friday, April 24, 2009

On pooping at work

I know someone who cannot poop at work. No matter how badly she has to go, she just can't bring herself to do it at the office. It gets so bad that sometimes she worries that she's not going to be able to hold it on her drive home.

I have another friend who refuses to poop in her own office, so she walks up to the next floor and poops in that office's bathroom.

I also know a guy who refuses to believe that women poop at all.

Personally, I have no problem pooping at work, but I do get a bit uneasy if someone else walks into the bathroom while I'm in there because oh my gah they totally know I'm pooping right now I hope they don't recognize my shoes. I don't know why I care. Do I think they're going to judge me for pooping? I could just as easily be inside that stall doing lines or doing the nasty or making paper mache molds of people's faces with flour and toilet bowl water. Considering the alternatives, pooping is actually pretty office-friendly.

And this is the part that B's all sweet jebus she tells me she's going to stop posting about her vageen and she starts posting about poop. And B's mom is all I need a drink. And my mom is all I'm so proud. And both of our dads are all what the feck is a blag? But I've gotten to that point that bloggers seem to get to where every time they have a unique thought they're all I should totally blog this and at first when I had that moment in the office ladies room a few months ago I was like brain, please, I have a bit more class than to post about pooping at work but I guess I've been having a dry week creatively because when that thought came to me again today, it sounded like a pretty good idea.

That's why blogging is a like a degenerative disease. You start out all nice and polite because people might actually read this shit and before you know it you're cursing like a drunk sailor and writing your next post in the bathroom stall.

But on the bright side, I've always wanted a pooping tag.

15 comments:

foolery said...

I am SO glad that my office is a poop-friendly environment (meaning that if I laugh out loud at my desk like I just did because I'm reading a Poop Post, no one will question it and might even laugh with me).

THANK YOU for the laugh. I may have to blog about it. : )

Me said...

It is important to have at least one private bathroom in every workplace to allow all of us to poop in private.

The things we end up blogging about . . . LOL!

Fraulein N said...

I'm sitting here reading this, nodding my head. I don't care about pooping at work (several years of living w/ IBS cured me of that) but I am always worried someone's going to recognize my shoes.

pj said...

The miracle of blackberrys and iphones is that you can actually blog about pooping at work while pooping at work.. Amazing

Deidre said...

Not having a place of business to think through the finer points of doing my business I don't have first hand experience with the whole thing...

I've always wondered why it'd be so different to extend the doors down so that you couldn't see the shoes...

I guess then there wouldn't be the "emergency toilet paper retrieval" gap.

Cecil E. Rudd said...

I think every blog should have a pooping tag!

Amanda said...

awesome.

BillFoxeveryone said...

My pops works in a small company where its two small bathrooms for everyone. So he refuses to go in the office and will leave the office and go to a MacDonalds or something if he ever needs to go.

well read hostess said...

this is my brother's FAVORITE talking point.

He has a name for people who can't poop at work: COPAH (Can Only Poop At Home).

Here's my problem: poop air. My least favorite thing in the entire universe is walking into a public restroom and breathing someone's poop air.

FUCKING GROSS

I hate poop air.

Mandy McFadden said...

This post just described my thoughts on office pooping 100%. thanks for posting! :)

I hate poop air too, well, other people's poop air... mine doesn't bother me. My shat don't stink and all that, haha.

Bradford Pearson said...

I just use the handicapped bathroom. Problem solved.

Except for when Gary, the wheelchair guy from advertising sales, is sitting outside the door when I leave. Then the problem becomes HILARIOUS.

kj said...

This:
"And this is the part that B's all sweet jebus she tells me she's going to stop posting about her vageen and she starts posting about poop. And B's mom is all I need a drink. And my mom is all I'm so proud. And both of our dads are all what the feck is a blag?"

made me pee my pants. Thank you?

Suzanne said...

this was so freakin funny i almost pooped my pants!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

And here I just posted about pooping. There must be something in the air. I have never understood people who wouldn't poop at work. It's not like they are taking a dump in public--as in the middle of the sidewalk. Thanks for the laugh. It makes me miss my old office.

Anonymous said...

I consider myself a 'fairly normal person', but poop is one subject I am absolutely batshit crazy about. It's pretty much an act of spiritual cleansing for me. Like, if I act decently, the only 'bad' things I produce are from my behind, and they leave the premises on a regular basis. So why not choose the most comfortable, silent,empty place to make your physical confession? Pretty silly, I know...but I don't mind :).

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