Everyone loves a little mass hysteria every once and a while, myself included, but this whole swine flu thing pretty much just makes me want to punch people in their swine flu mask-wearing faces.
Yeah I know, holy shit it's a fecking pandemic, but so is the regular flu, which ... wait a minute ... is the SAME EXACT THING. Let's take a look at the symptoms of swine flu: fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue, and if you're really lucky diarrhea and vomiting. Which is INSANE, compared to the regular flu symptoms: fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue, and if you're really lucky diarrhea and vomiting. HOLY SHIT, PEOPLE.
Did you know that in a year's normal two flu seasons -- we're talking one per hemisphere -- there are between 3 and 5 million cases of the regular flu, with up to 500,000 deaths worldwide (36,000 in the U.S. alone) as a result? So far, there have been 331 reported cases of the swine flu with 13 deaths (12 of which are in Mexico) according to CNN at the time this blog post was written.
But apparently the swine flu is so awesome even the celebs are getting a piece of it a la Heidi Montag and accessory Spencer Pratt from that show that was on MTV or something.
That said, B came home with a few flu-like symptoms last night after spending the day teaching a bunch of germy kids how to swing a tennis racquet and we were all IT'S THE SWINE FLU, MOTHAFLIPPAS and every time he coughed I was all I'd appreciate it if you NOT infect me with your nasty pig germs, but it turns out it was just a sunburn.
So you know what, swine flu? Get over yourself, you ebola virus wannabe. And for everyone out there wondering if you possibly have a case of the piggy cough, step away from the WebMD and may gah have mercy on your soul.
UPDATE: My office just went out and bought Purell Hand Sanitizer for everyone in the building to combat the swine flu. This is so annoying I'm actually going to go out, contract swine flu, come back in, and lick everyone's keyboard. I might even lick a few faces for good measure. WHAT NOW, HEALTH INSURANCE?