Have you been feeling like a real asshole recently? Well then you are just so lucky you know me/stalk me/read me, because I have the perfect solution. Give me your money.
The economy has pulled the rug out from almost everyone, and more people are checking into homeless shelters every day than into the Holiday Inn San Francisco during Pride.
And in most cases, these people need some help getting back on their feet. [Did you see what I did just there?] That's why I'm helping raise money for Back on My Feet. I already told you all about my current obsession with waking up well before the crack of dawn to go running in the city with a group of homeless men, and how rewarding every moment with them is turning out to be.
Well, our biggest fundraiser of the year, 20in24, is taking place July 18 and 19. That means I have three weeks to raise as much money as I can for our organization. And, you know, it means I have to run.
There's a number of events within 20in24 that runners can participate in. Some of us are running relays. Some are running the ultramarathon. Others will be running around in their pajamas. And the rest of us will be jogging around in as many glow sticks as we can hang from our bodies and we won't even be on drugs.
If you couldn't guess it already, I'll be sporting the glow sticks because gaaaaah look at the colorssszzzz and running one 8.4-mile lap around the river at midnight on Saturday. I cannot even begin to comprehend those people who have signed up for the ultra. One girl I know has a goal of 12 laps. TWELVE LAPS. That's 100.8 miles. In 24 hours. My butt subconsciously clenches just thinking about the pain of 100.8 miles. You could probably squeeze a baby out of your vagina in less time and with less pain WITHOUT an epidural than running 100.8 miles in 24 hours. And I'm willing to bet that the aftermath of both ruin your sex life about equally. Unless this all happens at Pride, because I bet NOTHING ruins sex at Pride.
So now, WHO WANTS TO SPONSOR ME?
Every dollar raised during 20in24 benefits Back on My Feet. Donate $1 right now, and you can feel good about it all day, or at least better than you felt that day you ate the entire jar of peanut butter with a spoon while reporting MoveOn.org as spam.
Plus, the next time someone calls you an asshole, you have the total right to be all "FALSE. I donated to Back on My Feet." And then you can totally punch them in the face because nice people get away with that stuff a lot more often. Just ask Ghandi.