Friday, August 14, 2009


A few days ago B came home from work with some interesting news. Apparently the Patriots were considering signing Michael Vick. And oh-ho-hoooo did I mount my high horse, throwing around words like "morally depraved" and "no class Belichick" and "motherflipping cut off sweatshirts." And then I was all "we will NOT be watching the Patriots in. This. House." And B shook his head sadly and agreed.

Then last night we were out for a few drinks with friends when someone at the table got a text message. EAGLES SIGN VICK.

WHAT? That had to be a mistake, right?

Because minutes later the news was scrolling across the bottom of the bar's television screens. Thank gah I had a beer in my hand when I heard that because I needed a drink.

What is WRONG with you, Philadelphia? And then I look over at B, and he's got that smug look on his face as I quietly slide off my high horse and hand him the reigns. Be careful with her, B. She's a wild beast.

Scanning the headlines today, a few Philadelphia columnists even had the AUDACITY to get all everyone deserves a second chance. Vick is sorry. He learned his lesson. Blah blah blah.

And yes, I am all for second chances, when you fuck up once. Like, say, you hit someone with your car or you shoot yourself in the leg or you wake up in a parking lot three days later with THUG LIFE tattooed to your inner lip.

But you DON'T take a little vacay in the state pen and suddenly realize oh my GAH all those dogs I tortured were actually living things. More likely, you clench your butt cheeks whenever you hear someone behind you and you say whatever it is you gotta say to get you out of there and get your cash monies flowing back in.

Vick didn't just hurt one dog, he hurt hundreds. For years. It wasn't one mistake. It was a lifetime of messed up thinking. Like how the quiet kid in the neighborhood who shoots beebees at stray cats is always the one to turn into the woman-hating serial killer. The dude who is depraved enough to fight dogs isn't going to turn into a tender hearted puppy lover. He's still gonna be a morally depraved dick.

I have a rescue dog, and I've seen first hand the damage that dog fighting has done to other rescue dogs. The cruelty and depravity that is involved in tying a dog's mouth shut and releasing a crazed pack on him, hanging dogs, burning them, and torturing them to make them meaner. In my opinion, there are few people lower on the scum scale than someone who could do that to a dog.

And yea, my mom is convinced that I have more compassion for dogs than I do for most people, like how on the way to the shore this year we had a little issue when we were driving through Chester and we saw three pit bull puppies trot across the street and I was all "STOP THE CAR STOP THE CAR WE HAVE TO RESCUE THE PUPPIES." And my mom was all "what is WRONG with you?" And I starting flailing around in the passenger seat because "OH MY GAAAH SOMEONE IS GOING TO GRAB THEM AND PUT THEM IN A DOG FIGHTING RING PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HOORRRRRIBBLLEEE." And I actually started crying a little bit. And she put on her life lesson tone of voice and was all "you know, Bridget, sometimes I worry that you are more concerned with saving puppies than saving people." And I was all "you would've stopped if those were three orphan children walking across the street. You're a speciesist. Like racist. Only for species." And she didn't say anything, she just shook her head, probably because she knew I was right.

And as far as Andy Reid is concerned, you probably are more likely to err on the side of "second chances" when you're related to someone who shoves drugs up his ass in prison. Sayin'.

Shame on you, Philadelphia Eagles. I'd rather tattoo a picture of bacon across my chest than support you this season, which, apparently, is really catching on with the hipsters and what is UP with that?


Anonymous said...

most professional athletes are scum..except of course for the entire phillies team.

Ker said...

100% in agreement!!! I will miss cheering for the Eagles.

Falko said...

Get over it, Bridget. You and everyone else in Philly singing this song will soon reverse your position as soon as he starts helping us win games, (like they always do).

RuthWells said...

I don't even follow sports, and I nearly puked when I saw this news yesterday.

Bridget said...

No way, Falko. That shit is fucked up and my line has been drawn. The Eagles can suck it, if you will.

Skippy said...

I was so worried the Redskins or Ravens were going to pick him up, then I thought..thank god, our archnemisis the Eagles were dumb enough. One more reason to root against them, sorry.

And, do you remember those videos back in the late 80s/early 90s - Faces of Death? I remember watching them and becoming so upset when they clubbed the seal, but when that dumbass waded into the alligator infested glade, and got eaten alive, I cheered. Not sure if it is the right way to react, but it came so naturally.

Good luck with Football can always root for our teams south of you.

Suzanne said...


(sorry to be so short, but i really have no other words for this that differ at all from what you already said)

Suzanne said...

ok i lied, one more thing to add... in regards to caring more for animals than humans... all that "running with the bulls" and other bullfighting crap? i ALWAYS cheer for the bull, and often have a slight/sick sense of happiness when the people get gored.

M. said...

Hey Bridget, you are 100% right. I'm sure you know how passionate of a fan I am and I can't stomach this. I also have a rescue dog in my family, who happens to be part Pit and couldn't be more loving. No way I turn a blind eye and celebrate and laud this thoughtless individual. I don't care if they win the super bowl, I will NOT support this team as long as VICK is on it. Go Phillies. They stand for everything the Eagles do not- I wonder what Chase and Jen Utley think about Michael Vick? There are a lot of groups forming on Facebook to organize more demonstrations

Deidre said...

Yikes - although I have to say, having never watched a football game, this isn't going to change much for me.

I am totally a speciest. And I am not afraid to say it.

Heather Nicole said...

I couldnt have said it better.

Screw the Eagles....I am retiring my gear. Oh and I guess I can forget about the cute little Eagles jersey for my dog...ahhh...fuck them!

Lora said...

I think MV is a disgusting person, but I don't hold it against the Eagles for taking him on. It's not their job to be the moral authority for their players, it's their job to put together a team that wins.

I hate the Eagles anyway. So maybe this just lumps in with the rest of my disdain for the team and that's why I'm so blase about the whole thing!

Melanie said...

I think it's ridiculous he was signed as well. Growing up in Indianapolis, I am a huge colts fan and I am actually really sad that Tony Dungy is on his side. I know he's all about second chances, but there's no way Tony wuold have allowed him on the Colts when he was there! He's cut people for way less!

Kelly said...

As a woman married to a sports fan, and who has subsequently become a sports fan herself...this effing blows.

But shit, pro sports has a penchant for giving second chances to rapists, woman beaters and dog electrocutors. Not sure if I'm going to be tuning in to the Eagles this year.

The guy is an animal killer. Usually, we call those people psychopaths.

Sole Matters said...

I couldnt agree with you more!!! UGH it pisses me off SO bad!!

Anonymous said...

PETA is nothing but a group of liars and hypocrites!!!!!!!!

Animal lovers worldwide now have access to more than a decade's worth of proof that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) kills thousands of defenseless pets at its Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. Since 1998, PETA has opted to "put down" 21,339 adoptable dogs, cats, puppies, and kittens instead of finding homes for them.

PETA's "Animal Record" report for 2008, filed with the Virginia Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, shows that the animal rights group killed 95 percent of the dogs and cats in its care last year. During all of 2008, PETA found adoptive homes for just seven pets.

Just seven animals -- out of the 2,216 it took in. PETA just broke its own record.

At the end if the day, Mike Vick served his time, was punished under the law and deserves another shot at as a citizen. Leave him alone until he messes up again.
PETA can take their $32 million budget and give it to me! YAY!

And if you consider yourself a Christian, but won't forgive Vick, find another faith because you're not living by your current one. Hypocrites.

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