Tuesday, September 8, 2009

This does not bode well for the wedding

No, not my wedding. Their wedding. So this couple goes hiking, right? It's a beautiful day. The birds are chirping. The sun is shining. It's a long weekend. Who doesn't love long weekends? So this guy? He pops the question. Right there on the beautiful hiking trail. She says yes. I'm sure there was some tongue action. Maybe even some heavy petting. I mean, come on, they're out there in the middle of nowhere. There could not be a more perfect proposal for two people who love the great outdoors. Until this chick falls of a cliff.

Let's review. He proposes. She says yes. And then she falls of a cliff. A FUCKING CLIFF, YA'LL. Am I the only one who thinks that might be a bad sign for the future? Now, I'm not a big believer in superstitions or religious praxis or sobriety, but falling off a cliff might possibly be a little wake up call from God Buddha Francine Hughes above. DON'T DO IT, GIRL.

It's kind of like when scientists test the intelligence of lab rats by giving them a little electric shock every time they do this one task, the rats usually stop doing it. Or how if I'm doing something (like running backwards down a sliding board) and it causes bodily harm (like falling down and breaking my wrist) I will probably stop doing that thing (until I've had a few too many cocktails and it again seems like a good idea). Only this isn't a little electric shock or even a broken wrist. It's a fall, OFF A CLIFF. Clearly, getting engaged is very dangerous work.

I heard this story on the news while I was getting ready for work this morning. Usually, B ignores anything coming from the television so early in the morning -- unless it's coming from ESPN -- because recently it seems like the only stories being talked about on Good Morning America are John and Kate Plus Eight Minus John Plus Kate's Bodyguard Minus Any Remaining Shred of Dignity Plus Don't You Know Ed Hardy Shirts Are For Dueshebags? Or SWINE FLU SWINE FLU SWINE FLU THERE'S NOT ENOUGH VACCINATIONS WE'RE ALL GOING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND GET SWINE FLU. But as soon as the headline "woman falls down cliff after proposal" was read, I heard B laugh from the bedroom. Only it wasn't just a laugh, it was a GUFFAW. Then, he rushed in front of the TV, just so he could laugh some more.

I can see where this proposal is going. There's going to be an earthquake on the day the of the wedding. The dance floor will be split in two. But it'll be one hell of a conga line. The day they buy their first house, there's going to be a meteor shower, and if I wake up with a space rock in my backyard, I know who to blame. And, inevitably, when she gives birth to their first child, it's going to be half man half piglet.

Or not. It could have just been the greatest proposal of all time. I'm pretty sure the national media wasn't alerted when B got down on one knee. So this could just be a sign of their extreme awesomeness. They should probably stick with the theme and get married as they jump out of a plane with monogrammed his and hers parachutes strapped to their backs. Or maybe that's exactly what they shouldn't do. Maybe they should get married in a bomb shelter.

Either way, it's a story they'll probably be telling for the rest of their lives, til death do them part (which thankfully wasn't this weekend). And I'm really glad that this girl got out (AIRLIFTED via HELICOPTER, just so we're all clear) without any life-threatening injuries, because now we can all share a chuckle this morning over the insane proposal story without feeling like total assholes.


Bradford Pearson said...

It's hilarious that you should post this because I'm actually writing a brief about this for the paper I write for.

I will provide a full link when I'm done with it.

Conor said...

Sounds like she was really falling for him!

Conor said...

Talk about taking the plunge!

b's mom said...

she was literally swept off her feet by the proposal


Blog Widget by LinkWithin