Thursday, October 15, 2009

Chris Christie, really hates kittens

If you live in the Philadelphia area, you've no doubt been inundated with campaign commercials for the New Jersey governor elections every time you turn on your TV. In particular, with the present governor Jon Corzine's ads against Chris Christie

Like this one:



And this one:



To be fair, I don't know anything about the New Jersey gubernatorial campaign. Because who gives a feck about New Jersey? But my GAH I hate Chris Christie. Again, to be fair, I know absolutely nothing about the man, except for the few facts I've picked up from Corzine's ads. He could be a really nice guy. Right? Probably not. I hate Christie because these commercials make it so fun to hate him. For reals, I've never had so much fun hating someone before.

B and I were discussing this phenomenon recently because B also hates him even more than he hates onions. And B hates onions A LOT. But B hates Chris Christie mostly because every time he sees the above ad with Christie clapping, he wants to punch all three of the man's chins. Could Corzine's team have made Christie look ANY MORE annoying? Me thinks no. After watching those commercials, how can you not hate him? REALLY, DUDE? PRESCHOOL? WHY DO YOU HATE THE CHILDREN?

But why do we get so much enjoyment out of hating this man? Easy. Because it means nothing to us. We don't give a dang who wins the race because it doesn't affect us in the least. This ain't no McCain versus Obama hate. This is more like TV show character hate.

It's like how everyone loved to hate Sawyer during the first season of Lost. Ho boy did I hate Sawyer. But I loved to hate him. Given the chance, I would have grabbed his stringy ass hair and licked his perfect abs all over that island. But then I probably would have punched him in the mouth.

ANYWAY. Every time an anti-Christie ad flashes across our television in the morning as we're getting ready for work (which happens A LOT), B and I love to yell out our own narrations to the commercials. And this morning, it went a little something like this ...

ANNOUNCER: Chris Christie, Bush's friends, Bush's policies. Bad for New Jersey.

B: Chris Christie, eats dicks for breakfast.

ME: Chris Christie, fucked your dog.

And because hating on Chris Christie is so fun, I'm going to share some more of my favorites with you. Remember, we don't REALLY hate Chris Christie. We just play hate him. For fun. Try it some time.

Chris Christie, dropped the F bomb in front of your grandmother.

Chris Christie, really fucking hates kittens.

Chris Christie, ate that last piece of pizza you were saving for dinner even though you wrote your name on it and hid it way in the back of the fridge.

Chris Christie, strikes me as racist.

Chris Christie, stole your stapler.

Chris Christie, loves Bon Jovi.

Chris Christie, farted.

Chris Christie, set your bike on fire then blamed on neighborhood gang violence.

Chris Christie, always makes things awkward at the office Christmas party.

Care to join?

18 comments:

BO'C said...

Chris Christie shut down Rooties.

Melanie said...

Chris Christie slept with your mom and never called.

PS... what were his parents thinking? Chris Christie? Really?

CheyneCuts+Collects said...

Chris Christie is responsible for that big freaking lego ad that keeps blowing up you visit yellaphant.

?

Shelley Greenberg said...

Okay, this post? The epitome of why you're an awesome blogger. I love how you got political AND potentially pissed off a whole bunch of fat people without a care in the world. The thing is, it's so effing funny I don't see how anyone could care.

Chris Christie, wears women's underwear.

Heather Nicole said...

Chris Christie <3's Nancy Grace

Conor said...

He's been to 120 Springsteen shows, you gotta respect that

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/30/nyregion/30springsteen.html

Bridget said...

Chris Christie, says he likes Springsteen more than you.

Anonymous said...

onions suck

Anonymous said...

Chris Cristie doesn't turn the fan on when he leaves the bathroom.

sheila said...

my favorite chris christoe ad to hate is:

"can you drive the wrong way down a one way street and not get a ticket for it??? CHRIS CHRISTIE CAN!!!"

Matt said...

Chris Christie, supports NAMBLA...

Anonymous said...

I find this post to be incredibly offensive. To come out and say you hate "fat fucks" is disgusting and I would expect more from this blog.

Bridget said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phil said...

Chris Christie eats pure black licorice.

Anonymous said...

When you state: "I know absolutely nothing about the man, except for the few facts I've picked up from Corzine's ads.", I just cannot believe that anyone with intelligence thinks they get FACTS from campaign ads. Seriously?? Really??? I feel so sorry for you, and for this country if people don't actually think for themselves.

Bridget said...

Anonymous, loves Chris Christie. Hates humor.

Anonymous said...

Chris Christie is a fat ass. needs to stop being so fat and gay.

Anonymous said...

to whoever is angry at the fat fuck comment. like forrest gump's mother said, fat fuck is as fat fuck does

PS Chris Christie gave Jenny AIDS

-Dowg

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