Technically, I haven't been working since the middle of December, but it's taken until this week for me to feel actually unemployed. Now that the holidays are officially over and the move has actually happened, I have a bit of something I haven't had in a very long time. It's called free time. Perhaps you've heard of it?
If this "unemployment" happened to fall over any of the summer months, I'd be in heaven. It would be like vacation, and I'd spend every day on the beach, loving every second of every day and tipping my sunglasses at the poor bastards that had to put on clothes and go to work every day.
But it's January. And in case you've never been here, January in New England is about as cold as what I consider Antarctica would be. Probably. To me, anyway. I try to limit my time outside to time to and from the car door. If I can help it, I won't even go outside once the sun has set because are you CRAZY? It's FREEZING out there.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I've been filling my free time with fitness classes down at the club while B works, and while that has resulted in me living in a constant state of soreness, I feel like as soon as I regain full use of my arms, I'll be able to punch B in the face harder than ever before. I bet I could even out ninja a ninja right now. Maybe even two at the same time. HEY-YO THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
But besides all the working out, as I said yesterday, free time has also given me a chance for a bit of thinking, as I mentioned. Recently though, the things that have popped into my head have started to concern me. Things that, under normal circumstances, would horrify me. Things that, under normal circumstances, I would judge people for, take one look at them, and write them off as baseless, classless, and probably high.
Without further ado, the top ten reasons I know I need to get a job, and get a job quickly.
1. "I could really use a good pair of slippers."
2. "I wonder where I could get a bath robe. Then I wouldn't even have to put pants on to go downstairs."
3. "8:30 already? I guess I should get up."
4. "I could totally get away without putting a bra on."
5. "I'm only going to CVS, I'll just put on some sweatpants."
6. "I'll just shower later."
7. "It doesn't smell that bad."
8. "I'll just put a hat on."
9. "No one will notice."
10. "Jersey Shore's on in ten minutes. AWESOME."
And that's only been the last 24 hours. I should find out about this job by tomorrow. Fingers crossed, ya'll, before I spiral out of control and pass the point of no return.