Not to mention, whenever it's raining I now get throbbing arthritic pains in my thumb. Yeeeup, 25 years old and seem to be suffering from arthritis already. Self-diagnosed, obviously. I haven't yet been on WebMD to confirm my suspicions, but I can just TELL.
Obviously I have a story to share that I just haven't gotten into yet here. Partly because I'm still a little surprised at myself and I just don't know what to say about it and partly because I think I might be slightly embarrassed by it. Shocking right? I'm totally okay with talking my vageen at whim and yet when it comes to a little story about my thumb I'm a bit speechless. But hey, let go let gah right? That's what I said last Friday anyway when I forgot to pack a pair of pants and didn't realize it until after I got out of the shower at my friend's apartment and had to be at work in 10 minutes. No pants? Let go. Let gah.
To be honest, there isn't really much to say about The Thumb Incident. It all started about five months ago. I was doing ab exercises one morning before work ...
(So I like to start my day with a little abs, so what? Some people reach right for the coffee; I get on my back and punch out a quick hundred crunches. Stop judging me. Don hate.)
One second I'm lying on my back thrusting my legs above my head ...
(Stop, just stop. This is EXACTLY why I don't tell this story.)
And the next thing I know my right hand slipped a few inches and the entire weight of my body came crashing down on my thumb that had at that unfortunate moment been in what I can only describe as a Fonzie-esque "thumbs up" position.
(You know what? Fuck all ya'll.)
And that's when I heard the crack. And this wasn't just a cracking knuckles crack. This crack turned my stomach. The minutes that followed were so similar to this 2008 live news feed that it's rather uncanny:
In fact, as I was rolling around on my living room floor, holding my limp hand to my chest and grunting, this video is exactly what popped into my mind.
In the days that followed, my hand swelled, I couldn't use the thumb of my right hand -- which is a lot more inconvenient than you might immediately think (man grew thumbs for a REASON, it turns out) -- and I was pretty much in constant pain. If that thumb wasn't broken, it was at the very least badly sprained. Despite the fact that I could not longer button my pants, I never went to the emergency room or had x-rays taken. I couldn't. It was exactly two weeks before the launch of a major event at work and I was literally working around the clock to make sure everything was ready for launch day. There was no way in hell I could have taken what you know would be a minimum of five hours out of my day to go sit in an emergency room of a city hospital with a bunch of crying children and people with bloody bandages on their heads and questionable bodily fluids on the floor. I just didn't have the time. And I figured that even if it was broken, the doctors couldn't really do anything for it, right? You don't put broken fingers in casts. They would likely just splint it and send me on my not-so merry way. Right? Bueller?
It was about two months before I could hold a coffee cup in my right hand without pain. I still feel it if I am holding something heavy. And when it rains? There's that thumb again! At this point I assume whatever damage was done to my hand has healed (albeit possibly incorrectly) and now I'm stuck with a thumb as a weather vane.
I'm convinced the lingering pain I feel has now morphed into some early-onset arthritis because one time my mom and I were running a trail in the woods together and she fell and hurt her wrist. Since it was still hurting her about a month later she went to the doctor and he told her that it was arthritis. Well my thumb still hurts so it's totally arthritis too.
Arthritis, man. The old people disease. I already go to bed at 9 o'clock, so what's next? Losing my hair? Going blind? I have been having some trouble driving at night recently ... UGH. Getting old is SUCH a bitch, you guys.Tweet