Monday, November 8, 2010


One of the first things one of my friends said to me the night of my wedding was, "congratulations. You're safe. If you get pregnant now, it's totally not a big deal." And she was right. B and I were out of the unwed parents woods. Not that that's really a big deal anymore. It happens all the time and no one should be judged for it in this day and age.

And now that we've been married for over a year, people ask. When are B and I going to start makin' babies? I don't know, to be honest. Which I'm pretty sure is a good sign that we're not ready yet. That and the fact that every time I see a baby, I get all mushy inside; but every time I see a kid -- like a walking, talking child with snot down its face and sticky hands -- I'm borderline revolted. I want to stay away from the stickiness. I don't want it to touch my clothes and make my couch dirty. Kids are gross. They're compact disease carriers. And they're dumb. And sometimes mean. Blegh.

I also find it rather telling that the days I give most serious thought to when B and I will start a family are the days that I'm most hungover. You can't have hangovers when you're preggo! Who am I kidding? Pretty sure looking at pregnancy as a way of avoiding a hangover a sure sign that I should not be looking at pregnancy. I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I got to hold a newborn this weekend. He was so tiny and soft and beautiful. Holding him was easy and natural and felt really nice. It got me a little excited. I could be ready. But then he spit up and I got to hand him back to his mother when he started to cry. And then she had to take him home and I went out for beers with my friends. She was so good at being a mom. I'm totally not ready.

While we were out at a new bar that night, I bumped into a friend who I run and work with who was out to dinner with his wife and kids. We chatted for a while and then B and I headed off to another bar with our friends. When I saw him at our run this morning he asked me about the rest of my Saturday night. Where did we go? What did we do? And then what? After we had left the first bar, he and his wife had wondered aloud what we'd be doing next. "They could do anything," they said. "They have no responsibilities. They might be out all night. They can go wherever they want." After they returned home they said it again, "I wonder where they are now. Could be anywhere."

You can't do that when you have kids. You have soccer games and basketball practices and bed times to adhere to. But B and I? We could do ANYTHING. Just thinking about that this morning got me a little uppity. We CAN and we SHOULD. If we want to go drink beers in the middle of the afternoon, we do. If we want to get away for a weekend, we can. We need to do everything all the time BECAUSE WE CAN. And gah knows that's not going to last forever. Sooner or later the babies be a'comin'. I should be booking airline tickets to somewhere -- anywhere -- right now. I should go drink on my lunch break. We should do absolutely everything or absolutely nothing. WE HAVE TO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE.

My mom once told me that when you're a girl, you spend your entire twenties worrying you might get pregnant and your entire thirties worrying you might not be able to. I don't not want to have babies. In fact, I want nothing more to be able to have a whole litter. That's the life I want. It's just a matter of being ready to make the switch from 3 p.m. beers to 3 a.m. feedings. If you ask my uncle, he'll tell you you're never ready. You can't be. Who would be? You just do. Clearly, at this point of my life people would expect it. I'm out of the woods, after all.

No, this is not a long-winded way of telling you I'm pregnant. Playaz please, I spent the majority of yesterday nursing the little red wine headache that could. All is normal. Sorry, mom. One day I'll have lots of kids. 500 of 'em. BABIES EVERYWHERE. But today I think I'll have a beer.


Becky Mochaface said...

I have a hard time balancing my desire for babies like RIGHT NOW to enjoying the married life sans crotch parasites. Right now, the sans crotch parasites lifestyle is winning. But who knows for how much longer.

Bridget said...

CROTCH PARASITES?! omgomgomgomgomg. using that!

Gooseberried said...

Haha, I'm right there with ya. Sometimes I get the tiniest glint of wanting to start a family, but then my selfishness overrules. :)

Hippo Brigade said...

Babies and kids aren't that bad. They do sorta mess up your social life, but they get you out of social obligations too.
Dumb neighborhood block party? I'm sorry, I can't make it, little Billy is sick.

Grandma's cousin's houscleaners 65th birthday? Ohh, I don't think we can come, that's the same time as Susie's nap.

Your sister's lame cookie lee jewelery party? Sorry Sis, I can't find a sitter.

See? There's always a silver lining.

rory said...

Being models for self-indulgence run awry, Miss Carol and me never had kids.
Do I think I missed something?
I don't know.
I don't think so. But.

Bridget said...

@rory And that's why Cutter and Tug are spoiled boyz.
I know we will eventually, I'm just not ready to go there yet. But you can bet that if I came home today and told B I was knocked up, he'd be over the moon. I tell him that's because he's not the one that would have to quit drinking for 9+ months. I've threatened to make him go dry too though. He laughed in my face. IF I CAN'T HAVE FUN, NO ONE ELSE CAN EITHER.

Bridget said...

@Hippo Brigade But I LOVE dumb neighborhood block parties. And awkward family gatherings.

Is it socially acceptable to bring your child to the bar?


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