Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Confessions: Sometimes I even disgust myself

I would like to preface this post by explaining to everyone that it is extremely cold in Philadelphia these days. And also, since my apartment is actually an old house that was converted into three apartments, the heater's control falls in the hands of the resident of the first floor. And he likes to keep it warm. And since I live on the second floor, the laws of science tell us that my apartment's a bit toastier than the first floor because heat rises. And in my old house, heat rises like a bitch. It is fecking 80 degrees in my bedroom. This makes for a very uncomfortable transition from outside to inside and from inside to outside. It also makes for an extremely uncomfortable and downright suffocating night's sleep. And every morning when I wake up, I can't breathe because this dry heat-cold thing is fecking with my sinuses in some majorly uncomfortable way. My relief comes in my morning shower. The steam just clears everything right up. I would also like to preface this post by explaining that sometimes I do things that even disgust myself but it certainly doesn't stop me from doing them.

But today, to clear it all out even more, I blew my nose in the shower. And it worked wonderfully. And it definitely felt way cleaner than a nasty snot-stuffed tissue or god help me a handkerchief. And yea, it was gross, but then it washed away and was totally clean. I mean come on, it's not like I pooped in the shower or anything like that. THAT'S really sick. And I'm fairly suspicious that boys pee in the shower all the time, so it's kind of the same thing. And this got me to wondering if anyone else I know has ever blown their nose in the shower. Because really, it's quite efficient. And in fact, I'm pretty convinced they do.

Don't act like you've never tried this. And if you really haven't, then we probably shouldn't be friends because I'm pretty sure our imbalanced levels of propriety would make for some awkward dinner table conversation when I'm all you should have SEEN the balls on this elephant and you're like can you please pass the caviar? and I'm dude, you know we don't serve cow here, it's meatless Monday.

I'm also pretty sure this is not the type of stuff you should share with your blog readers. Or anyone, really. And I'm pretty sure that B is shaking his head while he reads this because this post is even worse than the time I declared Playtex the president of my va jay jay because now not only does everyone know certain things about my va jay jay, they know that sometimes I blow my nose in the shower. I blame this all on the man who lives in the first floor apartment. He's ruining my reputation on my blog. Asshole.

19 comments:

Jen A. Miller said...

A girl on my soccer team used to blow her nose into her shirt. THAT'S gross.

Hilary said...

I have totally done it. And I feel your pain re: lack of heat-control. Our place is either 50 or 85 degrees. Awesome.

Bridget said...

That's definitely way grosser. At least I don't do that. And I'm not one of those runners who blows snot rockets either. They send shivers down my spine.

tinsenpup said...

I'm all about the snot. I'm with you, Babe.

bilhelm96 said...

I do it all the time, and it grosses my wife out.

Avitable said...

The shower is the best place to do that. I hate using a tissue because there's always stuff stuck in your nose still.

And girls pee in the shower all the time too!

kj @ Where my boys at? said...

My husband does, but I never have. May try it now that you've made it public that you do! :)

hippo brigade said...

As soon as I get in the shower, I pee. So blowing my nose is a given. I'm totally okay with it. Hey, wasn't this a Seinfeld episode?

Matt said...

Who doesn't pee in the shower? And why is blowing your nose in the shower such a big deal? It all just goes down the drain anyway. I know a lot of guys who also prefer to "Shake Hands with 'Ol Ben Franklin" during their showers as well. As long as you clean up and leave no evidence, it NEVER happened.

Bridget said...

psh. its sustainable. cuts down on tissues. go green or go home.

3continentfamily said...

There are a lot grosser things than that in life ;)

David said...

I've been doing that for years. I just never mention it. After I walk the dog in the morning I'm stuffy. After a steamy hot shower I'm not. We cope.

Nooter said...

so its ok to pee in the shower? are you sure the human wont get mad?

rory said...

I do the snottin' and peein' in the shower all the time. The trick is to make sure I don't do it when Miss Carol is in the shower with me.
Instant pregnancy protection.

Deidre said...

seriously not everyone does this?

I've, secretly, always wanted to be able blow a snot rocket...

iconjohn said...

I zoned my 1893 Victorarian a few years back. Now I keep the 1st floor at 52F and the top 2 floors at 66F. Saving lots of money and killing oil demand at the same time.

tatiana said...

Not only do I blow my nose, I often do it while I pee.

Sometimes, I'm actually in the shower.

Talia said...

Doesn't everyone do that? Totally normal.

Lora said...

Oh god, that's nothing. I do it every time I'm in there. And I love those Sudafed shower tablets because it really loosens things up in there.

Anyway, I finally added you to my google reader so now I can leave you comments instead of just stalking you thru your twitter page when I check twitter on my phone.

This blog is hilarious!
There is a huge lack of ridiculously funny Philly bloggers, so I'm awfully glad to have found you.

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