Confessions: Sometimes I even disgust myself

I would like to preface this post by explaining to everyone that it is extremely cold in Philadelphia these days. And also, since my apartment is actually an old house that was converted into three apartments, the heater's control falls in the hands of the resident of the first floor. And he likes to keep it warm. And since I live on the second floor, the laws of science tell us that my apartment's a bit toastier than the first floor because heat rises. And in my old house, heat rises like a bitch. It is fecking 80 degrees in my bedroom. This makes for a very uncomfortable transition from outside to inside and from inside to outside. It also makes for an extremely uncomfortable and downright suffocating night's sleep. And every morning when I wake up, I can't breathe because this dry heat-cold thing is fecking with my sinuses in some majorly uncomfortable way. My relief comes in my morning shower. The steam just clears everything right up. I would also like to preface this post by explaining that sometimes I do things that even disgust myself but it certainly doesn't stop me from doing them.

But today, to clear it all out even more, I blew my nose in the shower. And it worked wonderfully. And it definitely felt way cleaner than a nasty snot-stuffed tissue or god help me a handkerchief. And yea, it was gross, but then it washed away and was totally clean. I mean come on, it's not like I pooped in the shower or anything like that. THAT'S really sick. And I'm fairly suspicious that boys pee in the shower all the time, so it's kind of the same thing. And this got me to wondering if anyone else I know has ever blown their nose in the shower. Because really, it's quite efficient. And in fact, I'm pretty convinced they do.

Don't act like you've never tried this. And if you really haven't, then we probably shouldn't be friends because I'm pretty sure our imbalanced levels of propriety would make for some awkward dinner table conversation when I'm all you should have SEEN the balls on this elephant and you're like can you please pass the caviar? and I'm dude, you know we don't serve cow here, it's meatless Monday.

I'm also pretty sure this is not the type of stuff you should share with your blog readers. Or anyone, really. And I'm pretty sure that B is shaking his head while he reads this because this post is even worse than the time I declared Playtex the president of my va jay jay because now not only does everyone know certain things about my va jay jay, they know that sometimes I blow my nose in the shower. I blame this all on the man who lives in the first floor apartment. He's ruining my reputation on my blog. Asshole. Tweet