Have you seen this infomercial?
It's for the ShamWow. And besides being completely flabbergasted by this dude's need for a headpiece microphone because when I see headpiece microphones, I expect a boy band crazed song and dance routine that involves lots of hip thrusting because who doesn't love hip thrusting? I was also amazed at this willingness to go on national television with a fauxhawk because really? Fauxhawk? In America? Dude.
But besides all that, when I saw the power of the ShamWow I was Shamazed because I want to use that thing that can clean up all those things because who wouldn't want to clean up that gallon of spilt milk with a single cloth?! How does it DO that?
So the other day at work, a few people were discussing scary infomercials like that one with the cross that you can look through and see a Bible verse or the day you're going to die or your dead cat or something like that? And someone at the table brought up the ShamWow and I was like confessions: I want that. And that very day, when I opened up my mail I had a package from a "secret admirer," otherwise known as B's mom, AND IT WAS FILLED WITH SHAMWOWS. And the weird part is, until that morning at work, I had never even said anything out lout about a ShamWow IN MY LIFE because what type of 24 year old talks about ShamWows? Better yet, what type of 24 year old writes about them? A very sad one, that's who. It's like B's mom is a ShamWow clairvoyant. Or she sees random infomercials on television and knows I love random cleaning products and is it sad that I asked for a vacuum cleaner for my last birthday? So the fact that I got a bag full of ShamWows for Valentine's Day? Seriously awesome.
Also, while searching for a good picture of the ShamWow dude, I came across a lot of photos of frat boys who peed their pants and some cross dressing stage performer who goes by the moniker Sham WOW and I think that's an understatement. Also he looks a lot like my neighbor and if it is, I hope that's not my underwear he's wearing and if it is, then you can just keep them, dude.
Updated: So apparently I have told people that I want a ShamWow before. I just don't remember. On a totally unrelated note, who wants another glass of wine?