Monday, March 23, 2009

A Lenten update for all you assholes

Since I said I was giving up sugar 100 years ago, I have made a few amendments to the rules I have set forth for myself. When I said "I'm giving up sugar," I didn't mean the sugar that's in cereal, which is pretty much the main staple of my diet. And I certainly didn't mean the sugar in booze, which is also pretty much the pain staple of my diet.

I also didn't mean the sugar I drink in my tea every day, because really, it's so insignificant, there's no need to be so nitpicky. And more recently I have decided that I didn't mean the sugar that's in Skittles. Or marshmallows. And last night, when I was having ice cream for dinner, I decided I didn't mean the sugar in ice cream either. Or in rainbow jimmies.

So really, I'm doing pretty awesome in this no sugar thing I've got going on. I feel like I whole new person. I totally don't even need it. It's just that it's been so long. It's probably been months, right? WHEN THE FOOK IS EASTER THIS YEAR ANYWAY? CAN'T THEY JUST PICK A DATE AND STICK WITH IT? WILL THIS LENTEN SEASON GO ON FOREVER? COOKIES? COOOKIEZZRRRNNPTZ.

4 comments:

Betsey Booms said...

This is like how I cut back on processed foods, except those that are used to make s'mores.

Which I had 3 of last night.

Suck it, s'mores.

Bradford Pearson said...

Maybe you should just give up the band Sugarcult. You can't be that attached to "Bouncing Off The Walls."

WHAT UP SHOUT OUT TO SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL.

rory said...

I gave up beer one time for Lent. Except the kind that came in cans. Or bottles.

Amanda said...

As a person who is doing Lent myself, I can confirm that this is the LONGEST LENT EVER. Just let me stuff my face with chocolate, PLEASE.

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