Monday, March 23, 2009

A Lenten update for all you assholes

Since I said I was giving up sugar 100 years ago, I have made a few amendments to the rules I have set forth for myself. When I said "I'm giving up sugar," I didn't mean the sugar that's in cereal, which is pretty much the main staple of my diet. And I certainly didn't mean the sugar in booze, which is also pretty much the pain staple of my diet.

I also didn't mean the sugar I drink in my tea every day, because really, it's so insignificant, there's no need to be so nitpicky. And more recently I have decided that I didn't mean the sugar that's in Skittles. Or marshmallows. And last night, when I was having ice cream for dinner, I decided I didn't mean the sugar in ice cream either. Or in rainbow jimmies.

So really, I'm doing pretty awesome in this no sugar thing I've got going on. I feel like I whole new person. I totally don't even need it. It's just that it's been so long. It's probably been months, right? WHEN THE FOOK IS EASTER THIS YEAR ANYWAY? CAN'T THEY JUST PICK A DATE AND STICK WITH IT? WILL THIS LENTEN SEASON GO ON FOREVER? COOKIES? COOOKIEZZRRRNNPTZ.


Betsey Booms said...

This is like how I cut back on processed foods, except those that are used to make s'mores.

Which I had 3 of last night.

Suck it, s'mores.

Bradford Pearson said...

Maybe you should just give up the band Sugarcult. You can't be that attached to "Bouncing Off The Walls."


rory said...

I gave up beer one time for Lent. Except the kind that came in cans. Or bottles.

Amanda said...

As a person who is doing Lent myself, I can confirm that this is the LONGEST LENT EVER. Just let me stuff my face with chocolate, PLEASE.


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