Because writing an entire post about the weather is totally awkward

You know what two words are pretty much my worst nightmare? Butt plugs Record low. As in, isn't it interesting that this week the temperatures have hit a record low? NO IT ISN'T FECKING INTERESTING. It's horrendous. In case you didn't get the memo -- because apparently Ma Nature hasn't been checking her e-mail recently -- it's MAY. I'm SUPPOSED to be rolling around in the grass in my bikini right now. Instead, I'm pulling on another sweater, kind of like your grandmother does in the middle of July because my, it's a bit chilly in here and have you seen my teeth?

And every morning when my alarm goes off I'm all "Too. Cold. Can't. Get. Up." And B's all "Aaahhh it feels WONDERFUL" because he's an asshole from New England and I guess it's usually like negative 12 up there for most of the year. And now I'm a little nervous for this weekend's weather forecast because B and I are spending the weekend at the beach with our friends and so help me gah the sun had better be shining because Monday is the first day I have off this entire year, I have been looking forward to this three-day weekend for a VERY long time.

Speaking of which, people have been asking me about wedding planning. Wedding planning is easy. You look at a bunch of pretty things and pretty places and you make some choices and blah blah blah and also sometimes blah. What's harder is hoarding all of the vacation days I need for the wedding and the honeymoon. It's not that bad now, while it's 50 degrees in May, but it will be when it's a perfect 88 degrees in July and I would give my back left molar for a long weekend down the shore, kind of like when I was six and I tried to trade my little brother for my neighbor's new puppy. That bitch.

People have also been asking how I made all of these decisions that needed to be made for the wedding. Beer. Magic. I just did. And also I might have been drunk. But seeing all these questions come in made me think, maybe people are asking questions about the wedding because they want to know things about the wedding. Or something like that. And also I just realized that it's probably super awkward to write an entire blog post about the weather but everyone loves weddings right? Or at the very least, every one loves free booze. And surprisingly, the wedding isn't something B and I talk about very often with our friends. So there are some things that even the people I hang out with don't know, which I realized some time last week when NONE OF MY FRIENDS EVEN KNEW THE DATE.

B and I are getting married on September 26, meaning next week marks the four-month countdown, meaning holy shit. The ceremony will be at my gradeschool church in the town right outside Philly where I grew up, and the reception is at the Hyatt Regency at Penn's Landing in Philadelphia. There are two reasons for this. The Hyatt is perfectly situated in the Delaware River making it easily accessible, but only steps from the heart of the city, giving me the city wedding I've always wanted. And it's a hotel, with a bar, making it the ideal location when the open bar has been exhausted and did you really think my wedding wouldn't be having an after party? Which also means that once the booze and the revelers have been exhausted, we're all only an elevator ride from our beds. Because if there's one thing that should never be underestimated, it is the quantity of booze that will be consumed by friends and family.

Flowers? Gerber daisies. Colors? Shades or orange and fuscia. Bridesmaids dresses? Smokin'.

Menu? Yes. My dress? Holla. Guests? Wow. And is anyone still out there? This is why I don't talk about the wedding all that much. Because I get terribly nervous that it might bore people. Because there are so many other interesting things to talk about. Like the weather. Tweet