On totally NOT dying at the Philadelphia Women's Triathlon

FIRST PLACE FIRST PLACE FIRST PLACE WOOT WOOT WOOT. I'm sorry, I've gotten ahead of myself. On Sunday, my mom and I competed in our first triathlon ever. And remember back in January when I was all I have an announcement, I'm going to drown myself in July? Only I didn't really FEEL like dying, which is why I started swimming once a week so I COULD do a triathlon without drowning?

Well anyway, we've been training for a while now for the Philadelphia Women's Triathlon. The running and biking? Pff. No problem. But the swim? In the Schuylkill River? We were going to need a lot of practice. Which is why we started in January. Since JANUARY we have been swimming every week in the town's public high school's pool and you don't even wanna know about the hairballs I saw on the bottom of THAT pool for this triathlon.

So by Sunday, we were about as ready as we were going to be. And by that I mean we were fairly confident we wouldn't die on the course, but that's about it. Only when we got to the starting point the morning of the race, they had decided to CANCEL the swimming portion because a bad storm in Philadelphia on Saturday night had filled with river with all sorts of debris like tree limbs and garbage and old tires and I think there was a dead cat. Disappointing, to say the least.

Instead, we would be running 1.9 miles, biking 17 miles, and then running another 3.1 miles. But don't worry, they assured us, this course would be even HARDER than it would have been with the swimming. But you know what? We totally didn't die. We tore it up. TORE. IT. UP.

My mom and I came in first place in the mother-daughter category, and my mom placed third overall in her age group. I won't tell you how old she is but it rhymes with shmifty shmour she's 30 years older than me she looks 35. But I am SO proud of her.


We didn't get to swim, but we still had an awesome time and helloooo, everything's awesome when you win. Now we just have to do another first triathlon so we can take care of that swimming thing. But already my super competitive streak has taken over and I am out for blood. When we got home, I spent some time Googling upcoming triathlons. And after years of being all oh we aren't competing, we just want to finish. Oh no, we just race to have fun. Blah blah blah. Now I'm all bring it ON because I will run you into the GROUND.

B's mom had always told me about a triathlon that takes place near their town in Massachusetts in June and how all the ladies of the town get uber competitive with each other and talk some major smack while they snap on their bike helmets and I was always, oh no no I will not be participating in any of that nonsense. But then after yesterday, I spent last night drawing EAT MY DIRT, BITCHES in big block letters on the back of a t-shirt that I plan on wearing to that triathlon next summer. It's gonna be awesome.

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