F YEAH UNEMPLOYMENT!!!!!1111

Remember when I was all boo hoo unemployment my life is in shambles who wants a shot? Well today I'm all F YEAH UNEMPLOYMENT MY LIFE ROCKS WHO WANTS A SHOT? Because today I found out I was being swept away from balmy Boston and sent to the temperate seas of the Mediterranean. WHA, you say? ME TOO. I'm totally loosing my shiz over here. Loosing. My. Shiz.

SO. One of my former clients runs a travel agency outside Philadelphia. And one of the necessary duties of the owner of a travel agency is to ensure that the places they send people are up to snuff. To be absolutely thorough, this client frequently makes these visits herself. One of the trips that needs inspection happens to be a 10-day cruise through the Mediterranean Sea, but my former client can't make the trip, which departs in three weeks. So she called my boss, hoping he could take the cruise on her behalf. He can't, but he had the brilliant idea to send me. And thus, I have just shat my pants.

Because who in their right mind could drop everything, take 10 days away from their work and their life on very little notice, and spend some time bopping around Italy, France, Spain, and Morocco? THIS UNEMPLOYED CHICK, THAT'S WHO.

So when he laid the option in front of me I was all "YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES" and he was all "great! Have an awesome time. Maybe you'll even get a few Yellaphant blog posts out of it." Maybe. I guess there could be a few stories that result from this. Me ... on a giant boat ... visiting some of the most beautiful cities in the world ...

I've only been to Europe never a thousand times in my dreams, but this cruise makes stops at all the countries I've wanted to experience for about as long as I can remember. It's just ... I can't ... oh god I can't breathe.

So of course I felt like if I didn't tell someone about this incredible stroke of good fortune thanks entirely to the thoughtfulness of my former boss -- and I mean tell someone RIGHT NOW -- that my head would explode. Literally, the second I ended the call, I could feel the news oozing from my eyeballs. So I called B and he was all "why does this always happen to me?" Whatever that means. And I was all "this is about ME, B. Focus please."

And then I called my parents and I was all "I've got great news!" and they were all "you got a job!" And I was all "no, fools. I'M GOING TO EUROPE!!!" And then they were all "WHAT? You mean to tell me that you -- a young, newlywed woman -- are seriously considering traipsing around the world without your husband?" And I was all "oh, good point ... yes."

And then I called my biffle Michael, and he was all "you BITCH," and then he hung up on me. He'll be sorry when I DON'T bring him back a souvenir shot glass from Barcelona that says "My biffle went to Barcelona and all I got was this lousy shot glass."

I'm not exactly sure yet what exactly I'll be doing while I'm "inspecting," but I've been told that I need to be thorough. THAT will not be a problem. I'll be inspecting the bar and I'll be inspecting the food and I'll be inspecting the pool and I'll be inspecting the spa and I'll be inspecting all those beautiful European cities and and and ... and you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be doing it all quite thoroughly. I'll be timing EXACTLY how long it takes the ship's bartenders to bring me my drink. And they better do it with a smile. And it better have a little paper umbrella in it.

Or else.

So yeah, today, unemployment doesn't seem so bad. Tweet