Tuesday, January 26, 2010

If the world ends before I'm done with it, I'm going to be so pissed

My friend Jordan often works from home. By "working," I assume he means combing through YouTube for amusing videos and Googling his own name at different times throughout the day. Naturally, he is a fantastic source for blog fodder.

As such, some of the most recent conversations we've had have centered around tye-dying your lady parts and its relation to anal bleaching, God's aversion to shellfish (and all the wonderful new slogans it's given me for my next protest), and nerds. As you might imagine, with so many fascinating topics floating around the interwebs, we often have a lot of shit talking to do.

This most recent topic though, nerds, or, more specifically, the nerds who are going to destroy the world, has been floating around in my head a bit over the past few days. Remember that giant particle collider thing those European scientists were fiddling with a few years ago as some kind of physics experiment? Personally, I'd prefer if the scientists kept their experimentations to the 6th grade science fair level, like solving pressing problems such as are dogs right or left handed? And NOT spend their time poking around with things that could potentially blow a hole in the universe. But that's just me, science was never my strong suit.

Anyway, they're fiddling again (which you can read about in this New York Times essay), and apparently THE FUTURE is trying to stop them. I'm not one to buy in to mass hysteria, but I do NOT get a good feeling from this. How often do you read that some action "might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop it?" NOT TOO OFTEN, I'M WILLING TO BET.

Again, I'm no scientist, but it seems to be that the future does not meddle with us often. SO WHY ARE WE MESSING WITH THE FUTURE? It's kind of like sticking your hand into a hungry shark's tank just to see if it will bite. Only that shark could make the universe implode Big Bang style.

I showed this article to B and he was all, "oh that makes total sense, I bet they'll start the experiment in 2012, and then the world will end, just like the Mayans predicted. BOOM." And I was all "WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!"

And I know I was all blah blah blah you swine flu people are hysterical, but I'll tell you what, if they were dolling out End of the World vaccinations at the CVS Minute Clinic, you bet your ass I'd be waiting in line right now with my sleeve rolled up and a My Little Ponies band aid ready.

So you know what? If those scientists blow up the world with this little physics project, I'm going to be rul, RUL pissed. I still have so much left to do. Like write a book. And drink a bottle of wine on a small Parisian street. And finally eat an entire pizza by myself. So since you just never can tell, I'll be working on some of those goals right away. Who's hungry?


Becky Mochaface said...

At least we'd have someone to legitimately blame, for once.

Jackie said...

Oh man, this kind of shiz really freaks my freak. Give me that end of the world shot at CVS too.

Hippo Brigade said...

I'm glad to know we have the same goals.

RuthWells said...


jmh said...

how many blogs out there have entries tagged with both "Particle colllider" and "Science is not my strong suit."

I bet none of them, if they exist, also reference how to tie dye your lady parts (not tag for that, i see).

Krysta said...

I tried to read the article but my brain started to hurt when I got to the bits about "imbuing" and "primordial fireballs" (although that last thing sounds kinda bad ass). Let's just hope the future collider or whatever keeps coming back Lost style to save us all.


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