Friday, January 29, 2010

I've also been told my poop smells like roses

Since I've already taken a giant oh my gah life is awesome poop and rubbed a little bit of it in your face, I thought I'd be a little discreet for once in my life do it again, because my life is so boring I have nothing else to talk about just because.


And to really get your faces deep down in there, I thought I'd tell you a little bit more about it, because I don't know about you, but it's really cold here in Massachusetts, and I bet nothing will cheer you up more than hearing about how warm I'm going to be.

I'll be departing for FRIENDLY PLANET TRAVEL'S IBERIAN COASTS CRUISE on Feb. 10, when the good, good, gah bless their souls people of Friendly Planet Travel fly me and my husband to Milan. You know, that place in Italy? With, like, fashion and shit? Anyway, that's just what I've heard.

Then, we're going to pop on over to Genoa, and I don't know about you, but when I hear Genoa, I think SALAMI. From salami Genoa, we board our cruise ship and embark for Marseilles, France. And moi could not be more excited for that bottle or three of wine. Or, as they say in France, le bottle of wine.

The next morning, we wake up in Barcelona, and if you took Sophomore year Spanish with Senorita Manuel, you know that true Barcelonians pronounce that Bar-THE-lona. Go ahead, say it out loud. Embrace your inner lisp. Anyway, Barcelona, described as "Spain's most flamboyant city," I can only assume, is FAAAAABULOUSSS.

From there, it's off to the beaches of Alicante, which, I'm willing to bet, are the exact opposite of the snowbanks of Massachusetts. Then to Gibraltar! Which I always thought was just a rock. I'm absorbing so much culture and knowledge already!

Then, we'll be spending an afternoon in Tangier Morocco, followed by an entire day in Casablanca AND OH MY GAH CASABLANCA! This day, I assume, will be spent seeing how many lines from "Casablanca" I can casually slip into conversation without getting slapped. And I have a feeling, once I experience that city, it would take a miracle to get me out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles. BOOM THAT'S ONE.

The next morning, B and I will be exploring Malaga, Spain and all those pesky beaches and palm tree-lined streets and ancient cathedrals and, I'm willing to bet, some sweet, sweet wine and delicious tapas. Later, rinse, repeat.

All of this adventure and world culture is washed down with a day at sea as we head back to Italy and a final night in salami Genoa before being shipped back to the states like nicely suntanned, wonderfully relaxed, totally in love little puppies that may or may not have just spent the past 10 days puking over the side of a giant boat.


BOSSY said...

La la lalalalalalala Bossy can't hear you.

Sole Matters said...

Im so glad that post wasnt about poop. haha ;) Have fun and be sure to blog for us about your travels!!

Anonymous said...

Have you previously told us that B was going along??????
Now I feel better about the whole trip


PS----Not sure that Alicante will be warm enough for beach time

Anonymous said...

I hope your boat sinks jerk

Deidre said...

Have so much fun!

Bridget said...

Don't worry, gramps. Billy will be my bodyguard. He originally wasn't included, but I pulled some strings. ;)

Bridget said...

@Anonymous, I hope your face sinks.

Becky Mochaface said...

So you're poop smells like roses. Have you been eating the rose bushes? Maybe you should have that checked out by a licensed physician. *full denial over your wonderful, fabulous trip while I'm stuck in the daily grind*

Hippo Brigade said...

ya know, we could have worked something out, where I'd let you be my gay bestie, and you'd take me on this fancy-time cruise.
But you decided to take your husband. lame.

RuthWells said...

I am weeping into my tea. I am disconsolate. Waaaaaaa.

(Have a fantastic time and don't puke too much!)

Fragrant Liar said...

Holy crappoli, I was feeling so hard for ya, bein' all unemployed and shit, and here you are planning for a Mediterranean cruise! Bitch! (See recent post, this is good.) Have fun and don't think too hard about jobs while you're perusing the streets of Casablanca or climbing the rocks on Gibraltar or drinking that bottle of wine or three. We'll be slaving away here, Mediterranean dreaming . . .


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