Monday, February 1, 2010

I probably shouldn't even be allowed to get out of bed without direct supervision

You know what? Looking for a job sucks. Desperation reeks worse than an un-bathed body, and I am two for two today. Putting on pants is pretty much the most work I do all day, and I'm beginning to think I'm even unqualified for that. Because that's the thing about job searching. By the time you get your 8 crabillionth rejection letter, you begin to doubt your own capabilities.

I've applied for jobs that I've been well qualified for, and I've gotten rejected. I've applied for jobs below my skill level, and I've gotten rejected. I've even applied for jobs a slightly above-average fourth grader would be able to pull off, and I've gotten rejected. What exactly, then, am I qualified to do?

Not much, it seems. I probably shouldn't sit at home without supervision. I barely trust myself to form coherent sentences anymore. And I definitely should not be allowed to operate the oven by myself. It's probably amazing that I know how to tie my shoes. But I have great references!

I have $3.93 in my checking account right now. I was no math major, but I'm pretty sure our monthly mortgage is going to be a lot more than $3.93. Which means, the longer I don't have a paycheck, the longer it will be before we can get into our house. So right now, I'm jobless, homeless, and just about penniless. Which, now that I think of it that way, is kind of hilariously ironic. Only picture me, if you will, laughing at this with that high-pitched cackle that gradually fades into an even higher-pitched scream.

As my pal Deidre recently said, after a while, all of this rejection makes you start to use words like "down-trodden." For me, down-trodden is so two weeks ago. I'm down right desolate. I'm the mother-flippin' Mayor of I Suckville and the pay sucks. And the only benefits offered are oodles of free time to dwell on how much this whole thing makes me want to get into a car, crank "Party in the USA" up to 11, and drive off a cliff with a pile of resumes sitting shotgun.

Now I've gone and worked myself into a tizzy. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to high-pitch cackle-scream into a pillow, pour myself a glass of wine, have a bath, and hope that I don't drown.

14 comments:

Cecily said...

Oh, honey, I'm there with you. Although I'm a freelancer with work, I'm still scrapping bottom, and each week buying groceries takes a major effort of penny pinching. GAH. So done.

BOSSY said...

Bossy hears there are some wonderful employment opportunities in PHILADELPHIA PENNSYLVANIAAAAAAH.

Shelley Greenberg said...

Lovey. Let's lunch this week.

Shelley Greenberg said...

I can fix something, seeing as you're broke (but not broken!). ;)

Falko said...

Suck it up, kid. I have been at this little unemployment game around 6 months longer than you have and still no success. Maybe you can get some of that Obama money.

Kelly at Student of the Year said...

I'm laughing at Bossy. Although, is that true? Are we a hiring city?

Bridget said...

Masters degree...check
3+ years experience...check
Making less than a waittress at my current job...check
Applying for over 100 jobs(many of which i'm over-qualified for)..check

NOT GETTING ONE SINGLE INTERVIEW...f*cking check!

i hear ya sista!

Deidre said...

Oh Bridget - I hear ya. I've been through the desolate and then see a glimmer of hope and then back to down trodden and through to desolate again. I only seem to get interviews for jobs I am not qualified for at all. It's great. I show up they ask me some question about something I've never heard of before and I am all - where on my resume did it say I had extensive knowledge of indigenous cultures?

Ellie said...

Clearly you have to become self-employed at this rate... dogwalking?

Becky Mochaface said...

That's the song I was singing over a year ago. Head high girlfriend. You'll make it.

Chatham said...

I thought I wrote this post for a second. Welcome to Massachusetts.

I had a job in high school that paid me more then I make now. Yeah, and I only get called in evert couple of months.

Husband thinks I have an addiction to vacuuming, but the truth is that I am so mother-effin-bored that I can't think of anything else to do.

Fragrant Liar said...

Well, as Shelley said, Maybe broke, but not broken, and you've retained your sense of humor. That tells me you're basically a positive person and you'll need that during interviews. Unemployment sucks, but it's not the end of the world (been there so I know--that's not meant flippantly at all) and you WILL get a job, hopefully tomorrow, after you get those pants on. Anyway, I'm pullin' for ya. I know well how rough it is all over.

RuthWells said...

I am in the boat with you, babe -- want me to row for a while?

(Bossy, where are these PHILADELPHIA jobs of which you speak?!)

Bellacantare said...

Hang in there Bridget! I'll say a little prayer (Hey, I'm Catholic, that's what we do)

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