I've also been told my poop smells like roses

Since I've already taken a giant oh my gah life is awesome poop and rubbed a little bit of it in your face, I thought I'd be a little discreet for once in my life do it again, because my life is so boring I have nothing else to talk about just because.

SWEET JEEBUS I AM SO EXCITED TO BOARD THAT CRUISE SHIP.

And to really get your faces deep down in there, I thought I'd tell you a little bit more about it, because I don't know about you, but it's really cold here in Massachusetts, and I bet nothing will cheer you up more than hearing about how warm I'm going to be.

I'll be departing for FRIENDLY PLANET TRAVEL'S IBERIAN COASTS CRUISE on Feb. 10, when the good, good, gah bless their souls people of Friendly Planet Travel fly me and my husband to Milan. You know, that place in Italy? With, like, fashion and shit? Anyway, that's just what I've heard.

Then, we're going to pop on over to Genoa, and I don't know about you, but when I hear Genoa, I think SALAMI. From salami Genoa, we board our cruise ship and embark for Marseilles, France. And moi could not be more excited for that bottle or three of wine. Or, as they say in France, le bottle of wine.

The next morning, we wake up in Barcelona, and if you took Sophomore year Spanish with Senorita Manuel, you know that true Barcelonians pronounce that Bar-THE-lona. Go ahead, say it out loud. Embrace your inner lisp. Anyway, Barcelona, described as "Spain's most flamboyant city," I can only assume, is FAAAAABULOUSSS.

From there, it's off to the beaches of Alicante, which, I'm willing to bet, are the exact opposite of the snowbanks of Massachusetts. Then to Gibraltar! Which I always thought was just a rock. I'm absorbing so much culture and knowledge already!

Then, we'll be spending an afternoon in Tangier Morocco, followed by an entire day in Casablanca AND OH MY GAH CASABLANCA! This day, I assume, will be spent seeing how many lines from "Casablanca" I can casually slip into conversation without getting slapped. And I have a feeling, once I experience that city, it would take a miracle to get me out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles. BOOM THAT'S ONE.

The next morning, B and I will be exploring Malaga, Spain and all those pesky beaches and palm tree-lined streets and ancient cathedrals and, I'm willing to bet, some sweet, sweet wine and delicious tapas. Later, rinse, repeat.

All of this adventure and world culture is washed down with a day at sea as we head back to Italy and a final night in salami Genoa before being shipped back to the states like nicely suntanned, wonderfully relaxed, totally in love little puppies that may or may not have just spent the past 10 days puking over the side of a giant boat.

Tweet