NUDE TANE

So I mentioned on Tuesday how due to my recent lack of sleep, coffee has become my new bff. It's gotten to the point where I'm pretty sure I can't even make a BM without it. Too much? WELL. Considering I was spending a precious $1.37 every morning on a cup of Au Bon Pain's finest brews, I figured it would be much more economically and environmentally friendly to hook up that new wedding gift coffee maker at the new casa and percolate some grinds myself in the morning.

So this morning I did just that. I've been a tea drinker my entire life. Whenever I needed a little caffeine lift, tea was my go to pal. The first time I ever had a cup of coffee, I ordered a small Dunkin D's sometime around 10 a.m. Despite a long day of heavy drinking, I was still awake, wild-eyed and wiry at 4 a.m., pulling pepperoni off of pizzas and placing them over the eyes of sleeping friends. This might go without saying, but I am very easily affected by stimuli. That's why drugs are so awesome.

Because I've always been a every-once-in-a-while coffee drinker up until now, I'd never actually brewed a pot of coffee myself before this morning. Ever. After thoroughly examining the instruction booklet, I hooked up the coffee maker and gave her a little whirl. The minimum number of cups, I noticed, was four. Four cups, huh? Usually, I just drink a small cup and I'm good to go. But four? Welp, waste not want not is what I always say, so four cups it was. Down the hatch before I was even out the door to catch my train. And holy shit, ya'll I think I'm having a heat attack.

My heart is beating faster than a racehorse's, my hands are shaking like a stroke victim's, and I'm pretty sure I'm taking REALLY LOUDLY. AND DAMNIT I JUST REMEMBERED I FORGOT MY BANANA.

Oh shwell, it's Friday. And what does that mean? IT'S NUDE TANE TIME.



Whatever you do this weekend, I hope you are enterTANEd. Maybe even nudely. Tweet