Please watch this clip from a local news station:
And now watch this:
AHWUYAHDKGSGZZZZ IS THAT NOT THE MOST AMAZING THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN? ARE YOU NOT CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER AND JOY? ARE YOU NOT INFUSED WITH LIFE?
Wait, I need to amend that first sentence because apparently I DID forget the first time I saw these. But in my defense, I was busy ripping shots of borovicka and angrily doing inappropriate things with a walker. Typical Saturday night.
So when I opened an email from my friend Mary yesterday and I saw these "for the first time" again, I lost my shit and watched the Bed Intruder Song at least 65 times throughout the afternoon. And each time I clapped and laughed and felt my tiny little heart warm with love. Then when I got home and showed them to B with more excitement than a 6-year-old on Christmas morning, he was all "hey moron, Kelly showed us this last weekend. Oh wait, I believe this may have been the point of the evening when you were crashing the wheelchair into piles of garbage and rolling around in the grass in the backyard." Oh lolz! I knew that Chinese fan-waggin, red bandana-covered afro was familiar from somewhere! I just thought it was my fantasies. Thanks for the great times, Kel!
To be quite honest, I found a slightly inappropriate amount of entertainment from the original video clip. I am obsessed -- OBSESSED -- with Antoine Dodson. But the song? Oh the song, I can barely contain myself. This gives me more joy than those Keebler Chips Deluxe with rainbow chocolate pieces I recently discovered in SNACK PACK form. Because nothing says Big Girl like a pack of rainbow cookies to wash down that peanut butter and jelly sandwich on white bread that I make myself for lunch every day. Now where was I?
1) Chinese fan. Nothing says Imma fuck you up, rapist like a dude waving a folded up Chinese paper fan in your face.
I just had another four points to this list, but I deleted them all because they got rul, RUL serious about the epidemic of hopelessness in the projects and unreported crimes and standing up for your rights as humans but I had to nix all that because that's not really where I want to go today. So where is it, exactly, that I would like to go?
"Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband cause they rapin' everybody out here."
Oooooohhh gah it just feels so good. Thank you, Antoine. Thank you.Tweet