Thursday, September 2, 2010

F you, Earl. F you in the butt.

It's September 2nd and I might be having an anxiety attack. This weekend is Labor Day Weekend. The unofficial end of summer and therefore my life. God, I hate Labor Day. You can keep your three day weekend, I'd like to go back to a weekend in early July please. I told you this would happen before before we even knew what hit us. Didn't I just recover from my Fourth of July hangover? How is it September already?

Okay, well I guess a three-day weekend isn't so bad right now. I have been working some pretty long hours recently. And the stress has kind of been getting to me. My body definitely feels worn down. A long weekend of beaching is definitely in order. I NEED it. I'll just throw on a super cute bikini and sit myself down in the warm sand with a cold Nick Lachey and soak up some rays all will be well, right?


Because this weekend that asshole Earl is coming to town.


Nope, not that Earl. This one.


It's been absolutely beautiful here all week. Nothing but sun and highs in the 90s. My favorite. So of course after being stuck in a windowless office all week, Friday afternoon will bring me nothing but violent, 100 mph wind and rain and the rest of the weekend will be too cold for the beach. You see that map?! FUCK YOU, EARL.

I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH, GODDAMNIT. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

B has been trying to calm me down all week by telling me that only crazy people get angry at the weather. You can't fight nature. Was it possible that I was overreacting? Well guess what, B. I'm fucking PISSED at nature. I'm furious. I'm compulsively checking weather.com every hour on the hour and biting my nails into little nubs because the temperature is not supposed to be dropping 30 degrees right now! I AM NOT MENTALLY PREPARED FOR THIS. CHRIST.

I'm also kind of questioning why the weather has the ability to send me into such an anxiety spiral. I have significantly more anxiety about the fact that it's going to be 72 degrees and rainy on Saturday than I was about the multiple major, potentially game-changing meetings that took place this week at work. But the weather? The weather keeps me up at night clenching my jaw and wondering why I'm such a fucking spaz. Clearly, the weather is affecting my mental and now physical health.

In order to distract myself from the fact that I likely won't be at the beach this weekend, I've been trying to think of some other equally fun things to occupy my time with over the three days of freedom. Or since nothing is as fun as a day at the beach in my book, at least something more endurable than cleaning the kitchen floor.

1) Paint my bedroom. This isn't really fun, but it needs to get done. We also need to paint the upstairs hallway and the stairwell and that space when you first walk in the front door and the kitchen and the kitchen hallway and CHRIST this is a lot of work and I'm kind of overwhelmed just thinking about it. PASS.

2) Take a day trip. I've been living in Massachusetts for eight months now (woah) and I haven't yet been to any of the Cape islands. Most people gasp when they hear me say this, so I figure it's something I should amend relatively soon before the winter comes back and swallows me into its dark belly of despair. We can take our bikes and tour around and pop into cute little local pubs for drinks and sammies and it will be adorable! But it's Labor Day Weekend, which means that both Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard are guaranteed to be more crowded than the line for Confession the day after Mardi Gras, hurricane or no hurricane. And there's the traffic and god I hate traffic. We could take the ferry, but that's pretty expensive and we're kind of broke right now. UGH. PASS.

3) Go shopping. Maybe adding some fabulous new items to my fall wardrobe will make the impending cold weather a little bit more tolerable. Because looking fabulous is always fabulous. I certainly need some new fall skirts. And lord knows I don't really have any acceptable shirts for the office. And shoes. Woah nellie, momma needs some new shoes. Did you not hear me say we're broke? I couldn't even buy a t-shirt from the WalMart sale rack right now. I'll be happy if I'm not eating dog food this month. PASS.

4) Drink. WELP, I guess we all know how I'll be passing my hurricane weekend. DING DING DING DING DING.

Clearly, I need another weekend full of booze like I need a root canal, but like B says, you just can't fight nature.

4 comments:

Jess said...

You could come to DC. Earl is gunna pass us by and its gunna be a beautiful 79, 79 and 84 degree weekend. Doooo eeeet

Bridget said...

Only if we can go tubing down the Potomac River.

Deidre said...

I find it interesting that you said "my bedroom"

rory said...

Earl caught the train out of here and is headed your way. Lucky you.
Here in Va Beach, his cute little sister Sunny- as in SunnyAndBeautifulALLFrickingWeekend- just got off the plane for a visit so Miss Carol and me are gonna spend ALL weekend on the beach with her.
So sorry.

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