Tuesday, March 8, 2011

It would be so much easier to just have a beer and call it a day

Happy Fat Tuesday, errbody! I'm pretty sure it's illegal to show your boobies to large crowds of people in Boston, so there won't be much Mardi Gras-ing on my end tonight. I bet you I'd get a lot more than beads thrown at me if I did though. Oh, human decency laws. Maybe I'll just head down to the ol' bus stop for old time's sake though. Because you know my life motto: It doesn't have to be Mardi Gras to publicly disgrace yourself.

Every year around this time, besides thanking the overindulgent culture of our Creole brothers and sisters to the Louisiana south for an excuse to drink on a Tuesday, I can't help but think about the things I should be giving up tomorrow. You can take a girl out of the Catholic Church, but you can't take the overwhelming sense of Catholic guilt out of the girl! LOLZ thanks mom and dad!!1!!

As a product of a life of Catholic education and a family of loud, drunken Irish Catholics, I grew up with a firm belief that this next 40 days was a time to try to make yourself a better person. Like, perhaps, be less of a loud, drunken Irish girl. Pssshhh I know, right!?

But over the past 10 years or so, Lent became something that had nothing to do with religion and everything to do with testing my own strength of will. Could I give up cursing? Fuck no. Could I give up shoving nachos down my face after a night out at the bars in college? Of course, I just replaced it with pizza instead. Then there were those few years I tried to give up sugar. Gah let's not ever go there again.

So this afternoon I sent out an e-mail to my senior year college roommates, all of whom were witnesses to Bridget's Great Sugar Downfall of 2007 when my behavior modeled less of a gal of strong will and more of a fat kid hording food at fat camp and then binging while locked in a bathroom stall.

Bridget (12:46 PM):
Happy Fat Tuesday, 5202. Katya, do you want to give up junk food again this year? It won't be as fun if I don't have to hide my cookie wrappers at the bottom of the trash can though ... :(

Carolyn (1:00 PM):
OMG. That just made me LOL.

Mojo (1:01 PM):
"Bridget!! ARE YOU PUTTING SUGAR IN YOUR TEA?"

"I FOUND THOSE WRAPPERS, BRIDGET!"


Katya (1:06 PM):
Maybe this year bridget should try another unattainable goal, give up being a bitch...

Oooohhh that would be so hard, you guys. Does that mean I wouldn't be allowed to tell B that he smells like ass, even when he does? Or tell my boss to take that new budget proposal and shove it up his ass, even though I want to? Or start yelling obscenities, picking fights and getting punchy after that last shot of tequila, even though what the hell else do you do after a last shot of tequila? I SMELL A CHALLENGE!

Also? Being as it IS Fat Tuesday and all, technically this means that I get a free pass to be a crazy bitch today, since starting tomorrow I'll be all nice and stuff. So you know what, Katya ... you can just ... just ... sit on it ... with your British accent ... which is all dumb ... and British. YEAH.

This is going to be the longest three 40 days of my life.

2 comments:

Becky Mochaface said...

I haven't given up anything for Lent in years. Maybe I should start that again. But what? Coffee? NO. Chocolate? NO. Drinking? OH HELL NO.

Bridget said...

None of the above. Ever. EVER.

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