You know I don't speak Spanish

I took Spanish classes for, like, six years and I actually used to be fairly proficient. When I went to the Dominican Republic for four weeks to build houses and work in a church, I actually survived the better part of the trip speaking nothing but Spanish. But it's been a good four years since I've tried to say much of anything en Espanol, save for the occasional puta sucia, which, by the way, a nun taught me in high school. The closest I usually get to the language these days is when I wear my favorite gold hoop earrings and my grandmother calls me a Latina.

But I digress. Actually, I haven't even started this post yet so is that technically even a digression? From nothing? Who wants more wine?

Lora over at Jakezilla honored me with The Proximity Award, for blogs that "invest and believe in proximity" with bloggers who "aim to find and to be friends." This is totally messing with my goal of building traffic by pissing people off, so clearly I'm not doing a good enough job. Yo, Lora, yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Also, I made out with your dad last night. He says hello.

I think maybe Lora was just confused because THE AWARD IS IN SPANISH. And like I said, I'm a little out of practice, but I'm pretty sure that new award over on the right sidebar there, the one with the butterfly and the empty paper towel roll, says This blog sucks so bad it's fucking AWESOME. Kind of like Snakes on a Plane.

Thanks, Lora! This really is better than the Oscars. I'd like to thank my mom and dad, for shelling out mad dough every year so I could go to school and learn to write, and always encouraging me to reach for my dreams. B, for always being there for me. Rooney, for providing countless hours of bad dog blog fodder. And Lora's dad, for providing an unforgettable night last night. Call me.

As part of the award, bloggers are then supposed to choose eight other blogs who they believe are spreading the proximity love. Naturally, since I can never make up my mind about anything, it was difficult for me to choose only eight. Some of these bloggers I actually have met in real life, and can vouch that they are pretty good at that "friend" thing. Plus, they write pretty kickin' blogs. Others, I haven't actually met, but maybe I feel like we have. Or I wish we have. Or sometimes I sit outside their houses and watch them from their windows and pretend we have.

Either way, they're blogs that I read regularly and genuinely enjoy, and now you can too.

Hippo Brigade because she's feisty.

Lemonade & Kidneys because she once fed me the most delicious cake I'd ever had in my life and also she's strong, opinionated, and generally awesome.

Me, My Dogs, My Life because she's all about the chaos.

Simply Nutmeg because I have a crush on her husband because she's a talented writer who can tackle any topic, and she makes me laugh.

Spinning Yellow because I've only known her for a few weeks, and I already admire her for her strength.

SWOPE Files because I feel like we did know each other, we'd be great friends.

Well Read Hostess because she really does host a great party, and she constantly makes me laugh.

3 continent family for documenting the ups and downs with grace and beauty.

And if Lora hadn't given this to me, I totally would have given it to her, so don't forget to check out Jakezilla because she puts the kill in Killadelphia. By that I mean, she rocks.

Now that I've gotten that goo out of my system, I'm gonna have to walk to the office and punch someone in the face now so I feel better about myself. Maybe shove an old woman or something. Or call the cute Asian man on the corner a motherfucker. I feel better already. Tweet