Rooney finally had his balls removed yesterday. And I am thrilled because I'm really hoping the lack of balls will mean a lack of desire to hump everything. I'm sure that's how I'd feel if I had my balls removed. If I had balls.
But considering Rooney's emotional sensitivity and tendency for dickheadedness, I have a feeling this is really going to mess with his psyche when he wakes up and realizes what he's missing. He probably had a real attachment to them. He tried to use them all the time.
Having neutered Rooney -- both physically and emotionally -- makes me thankful that I still have my balls, so to speak. As B will readily confirm, I've been feeling a bit blue recently because blah blah blah and blah blah blah and sometimes I'm just a little messy with a flair for the dramatics which I drink with a swirly straw.
WARNING. THIS IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO ANYTHING I JUST SAID: I just spent a bit of time going through every single one of my friend's photos from his month-long stint in Australia and New Zealand and at first I was all oh my god oh my god I'm gonna puke the jealousy is overwhelming my body THE REAL WORLD IS RUINING MY LIFE. But then after I cleaned up the puke and changed my shirt I realized that I was just excited -- really, really excited -- for my next adventure.
Because there's that whole wedding thing and blah blah blah and there's also that honeymoon thing and woo honeymoon woo places to go things to see woo travel woo oh my god oh my god let's just go now. And speaking of which, where should we go?
B is all let's go to Aruba and sit on a beach and I'm all oh my gah I can't believe I'm marrying you. Because I was thinking something a little more like Brazil or Argentina or Portugal or Spain because they have history and culture and adventure and also maybe a beach or a pool. And also it needs to be relatively cheap because of that thing called money and oh yea we don't have any.
But that's besides the point and I'm way off topic of what I wanted to originally write about and now I don't remember what that was and please excuse me it's Friday llkkzzmmm and oh yea balls. And if you've never been neutered, you have them. And let's be thankful for that.
And also it's Christmastime so there's tons of other things to be thankful for besides your balls. Like your family and your friends and your health and the excuse to go shopping without feeling guilty. And the chance to marry that guy you've had a crush on for the past three years or so. That's pretty cool. And also that new puppy that your fiance is going to get your for Christmas even though he says there's not a chance in hell that you're getting a puppy but you know deep down that not a chance in hell really means with a pretty red bow on top. The one with the huge paws and floppy ears. Right?
And if all else fails, just be happy it's Friday. Friday. Llkkkzzmmmmsss.