Thursday, November 18, 2010

Yellaphant rant: File it all under WTF

I don't often talk about serious things up here in these parts. I like to talk about underwear (or lack thereof), lady doctors, and my inability to act like a motherfucking adult. But life isn't all vaginas and sunshine. There are other things that really get me goin' besides Cougar Town, shitty writing and my unshrinking level of student loans. Let's talk about some other stupid things that make me want to TYPE IN ALL CAPS FOR A WHILE, SHALL WE?

You know what really burns my britches?

This summer's egg-tastrophe: Do you remember when the majority of the country's eggs were contaminated with salmonella this past summer and it was all over the news for, like, weeks? And how they traced the contamination outbreak back to one or two farms? WHY DIDN'T A SINGLE NEWS SOURCE COVERING THIS STORY TAKE ISSUE WITH THE FACT THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY'S EGGS COME FROM ONE OR TWO FARMS?

Think about that for a second.

Billions of eggs being shipped from California to Maine can be traced back to the chickens from farms that two-fingered Freddie could count on one hand. These can't even be considered farms. They're factories. They're rows of windowless tin buildings literally stuffed with thousands of chickens -- alive and dead, healthy and sick -- most of which, have never even stood on their own feeble legs because they've been bred specifically to sit on their asses all day, too weak to even move from the pile of their own shit. And we wonder why eggs are contaminated? The birds are pumped with chemicals to make them produce eggs faster than is naturally possible. And don't get me started about the cruelty. You don't want to see me get even more self-righteous up in here. I've covered this all before.

Contaminated eggs from a farm should NEVER affect our entire country. One farm's eggs should affect a single county; a portion of a single state AT MOST. Food such as eggs, milk and meat was never meant to be produced -- or consumed -- at the rate we do today. The small farm is extinct in most areas of this country and those that are left are in serious danger of becoming so too. THINK ABOUT IT, PEOPLE. GAH.

DADT: Otherwise known as Don't Ask Don't Tell. Otherwise known as a shameful injustice against our heroic servicemen and women who don't have the freedom to be themselves, but continue to risk their lives every day for a country that still doesn't fully accept who they are. YOU'VE GOT TO ME KIDDING ME. The Marines in particular say they're against repealing DADT because Marines bunk in rooms of two and the knowledge that their roommate is gay could make them uncomfortable and affect their performance and confidence on the battlefield. You know what makes me uncomfortable? That people who think like this are representing my country. That and this weird rash I have on my legs...

Someone's sexual orientation should have NOTHING to do with your confidence in yourself or confidence in your service brethren's capabilities. A man in love with a man is no less physically or emotionally strong, intelligent or otherwise capable than the man fighting next to him who happens to be in love with a woman. Does sexual orientation affect your mental acuity? Does it affect how well you can shoot a gun or climb a wall or run long distances with a 60-pound pack on your back? DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

Sarah Palin announcing she's considering running for president in 2012: Are you fucking kidding me? When is she just going to GO AWAY? The whole Bill O'Reilly-Tea Party fanatical-gun totin' craziness-Glenn Beck school of nincumpoops is just dumb. Really, really dumb. For real. I'm tired of hate rhetoric. Let's just all take a chill pill (HA HA Rohypnol), LEARN THE FACTS, and start making some reasonable life decisions.

When you don't use your turn signal: I'm driving along behind you. I've had a long day at work. It's dark. I'm tired. I'm probably secretly listening to country music. When all of a sudden you come to a stop. Cars are whipping by us in the right lane. There is no end of cars coming towards us going the opposite direction. It is rush hour, after all. And I'm stuck, wishing I could step out of my car, tap on your window, signal you to lower the window, and punch you in the eye because I could have avoided this if you had had the common courtesy to put on your turn signal. A LITTLE WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

Yeah, so that last one isn't really all that big of a deal all things considered, but it still gets my panties in a twist. And that's not all that comfortable when you're wearing a thong like I am today. Just file it all under WTF.


rory said...

Breathe in, breathe out.
Jeez, don't go home and sucker punch B.

Deidre said...

Oh, Bridget. I am behind you all the way on all three points!

The fact that everything is centralised is a HUGE issue. Imagine how many problems would be solved if we'd just de-centralise a little bit? unemployment, climate change, food security.

Le sigh.

I guess it times to get yourself some chickens, eh? The good news. They are really good at composting nearly all other food products.

Bridget said...

@Deidre, actually our neighbors have a whole flock, and B and I have been seriously considering. We're concerned Rooney would destroy them all though. It could be a blood bath.


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