Monday, December 1, 2008

You certainly didn't mean to come here but I hope you enjoyed your stay (again)

It's been a while since I've talked about what freaks you people are, so I figure the day after a not long enough long weekend filled disgusting amounts of lard eating and drinking would be a great time to discuss.

So let's take a look at some of my favorite recently searched Google terms that dropped unsuspecting and clearly misguided people off at my doorstep.

"balls chopped vet today" - Whose balls are we talking about here? And since when do the balls do the chopping? But either way, it's pretty awesome that anyone searching for any sort of ball chopping solution landed here. Because balls are funny. But at Yellaphant, our boyfriends' dogs' balls are the only ones getting chopped. And seriously, can't wait. Because last time we took the Goon to the dog park, there was a number of attempted rapes and that's just not polite.

"growth spurt boobs" - You know all of your wildest blogging fantasies dreams are coming true when you not only totally own the butt sweat search term, but variations of boobie terms as well. Check me out, mom. I bet your friend's daughter who's first in her class at Harvard Law with the doctor boyfriend can't say that she totally rocks the butt sweat and boobies. Come to me, butt sweaters and boobie questioners, I will satisfy your needs. And boobie ice cream is still gross.

"Playtex PERIOD" - Someone out there is experiencing a VERY LOUD visit from Aunt Flo. And since Playtex is the President of my vay-jay-jay, my answer is clear. And it comes in a delightfully smooth plastic applicator. And now every guy that reads this blog is swallowing that puke that just forced its way up their throats because I used the word applicator.

"What's her gender?" - I'm pretty sure you won't find that answer on Google. And maybe it's time for a little chat with your mother. But being as I just recently discovered why I've been getting all those penis enlargement e-mails I've gotten, I'm totally not judging.

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Phil said...

What's up Bridget? After reading Yellaphant at work I've come to the conclusion that we should have hung out in College. Keep up the good work, you're a great writer.

- Phil L.

tinsenpup said...

Congratulations on cornering the "butt sweat" and "boobie" market. That's quite a niche you've made for yourself there. Personally, I've done quite well from search terms like "butt cancer" and "lump in my butt crack". See? It never hurts to show a bit of class (or crack).


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